


Just the Way You Are

by Tandy



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Smut, Future Fic, Redeemed Ben Solo, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2017-01-25
Packaged: 2018-09-17 20:37:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 22,882
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9342701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tandy/pseuds/Tandy
Summary: Dinner with her family was always a trial. Leia was fully aware that everyone in attendance would rather be anywhere else. Her son came out of guilt, Rey out of gratitude and perhaps some sort of solace, and her brother for emotional support. Poe, the dear, actually liked coming to see her but the friction that Ben felt for Poe was tangible, which amused Poe and made Ben even angrier. Chewbacca had never once accepted her invitation, and maybe it was for the best. Adding one more volatile personality was bound to cause even more headaches.





	1. Part I

 

Part I

Leia took a calm sip of her tea, choosing to ignore the escalating shouts coming from outside her living quarters. Across from her, Luke shared a look of utter misery and sighed deeply, shrugging his shoulders. Her brother would probably rather be back on his island, free of the outside world and the problems and-

“The falcon doesn’t belong to you!” Her son’s angry growl was at the door.

“Nor to you!” The reply was in an angry shout that had Luke grimacing. Her brother was perfectly aware that while the argument might have started by Ben, it was more than likely that Rey’s quick temper had been the one to escalate it.

Totally immersed in their own argument, Rey and Ben stopped abruptly as the door behind them hissed open, and both looked chastised at seeing Luke and Leia staring at them with impassive expressions, as if they had just realized how loud and disruptive their argument had been.

“Mom,” Ben said, walking over to Leia for a quick embrace. “Uncle.”

“Hi Leia. Hi Luke.” Rey said sheepishly.

Dinner with her family was always a trial. Leia was fully aware that everyone in attendance would rather be anywhere else. Her son came out of guilt, Rey out of gratitude and perhaps some sort of solace, and her brother for emotional support. Poe, the dear, actually liked coming to see her but the friction that Ben felt for Poe was tangible, which amused Poe and made Ben even angrier. Chewbacca had never once accepted her invitation, and maybe it was for the best. Adding one more volatile personality was bound to cause even more headaches.

Regardless, this was her family and she’d be damned if they didn’t spend at least some time together. Time was precious and could be stolen in the blink of an eye. Leia was determined to not let time slip away from her ever again. Her family may be a dysfunctional jumble of individuals, but they were hers.

Rey took a seat next to Luke, her son took an armchair furthest from the group. It was so quiet they could detect the click of her teacup against the plate. If Poe were here he’d carry the conversation, filling the smothering quiet with his tales and charm.

“Let’s have dinner,” Leia said, and everyone stood rapidly, eager to get the whole thing over with.

Leia stifled a sigh, wondering if it would ever be easy. Well, she thought, it was easier than the very first time. Her son had been a hollowed eyed specter, jittery and filled with pain. They’ve had many dinners since then, and yes, it had gotten better, slowly.

Leia smiled at Rey’s enthusiasm when the serving droids brought their food. The girl was so exuberant, so filled with life. She caught her son staring at the girl, who ate with undignified gusto, with a look of disgust on his face. Rey opened her mouth, showcasing half-masticated food to Ben.

“Rey,” Luke admonished slightly.

Again, Rey looked sheepish. “Sorry,” she said to Leia, ignoring Ben’s scrunched up expression.

 _Remind you of someone?_ Luke teased through the Force.

_Han and I were never this bad._

She felt her brother’s amusement even without the Force. She and Han had been at odds since the moment they had met. Their interaction had always been tinged with sexual tension. Leia eyed her son and Rey again, maybe, she thought, but it was hard to tell. She and Han hadn’t been nearly as damaged as they were.

The table bumped, Ben grimaced, glaring at Rey. Obviously their argument had carried over to other venues.

“Children,” Luke said, in the same tired tone he had used on Rey minutes before, shaking his head at whatever he had detected through the Force.

It could be tiresome, awkward and oftentimes hostile, but she’d rather have them, all of them, even at each other’s throat than not at all. There was a still a war, even if they were winning it, a chance that the next day the people seated at her table would be gone.

When Rey and Luke had gone and it was only her and Ben, Leia looked over at her son and smiled indulgently.

“What?” He asked. 

“I didn’t say anything.”

“You didn’t have to. What is it?”

She stared at her son, sitting across from her back at the living area. “What were you and Rey arguing about?”

He looked indignant for a moment before schooling his features. “ _I_ wasn’t the one arguing. I merely suggested the Falcon needed improvements. She’s psychotic, went off on me about it.”

“Suggested?” Leia knew exactly how her son _suggested_ things. “I wish you two got along better.”

“Talk to her about it,” he griped. “She’s the one that went for my throat the minute I arrived. She hasn’t let go since.”

“Can you blame her?”

“No,” he said. “I do not,” he said, his voice low and resigned.

Leia nodded, glad that he understood where Rey was coming from, even if it hurt him to admit it. “What did you want to improve on the Falcon?”

“Nothing in particular, it’s just starting to look past beyond quaintly rusted to barely salvageable. It’s a shame.”

“You said this to her? It’s her home, Ben. You must have offended her.”

“So, it is hers, then?” He asked morosely.

“No. The Falcon belongs to no one. It’s a symbol now. But she’s made a home out of it, you can’t say such things.”

Her son sighed. He stood from his seat to pace toward the window, looking out to the dark night. “I just hate that it looks so… broken. I know she keeps it running. But it needs more than that. It should be like it was once. If it is a symbol for the resistance, then it should look like it and not an abandoned piece of junk.”

Leia laughed. “The Falcon has always looked like a piece of garbage. Though I admit, it does look the worse for wear.” She walked over to her son, to place a hand on his back. “Talk to Rey and Chewie. I’m sure they’ll agree with you too.”

Ben scoffed. “Chewbacca won’t even see me. And I can’t seem to say one word to Rey without igniting her anger.”

“To be fair, it doesn’t take much to ignite her anger,” she said. It had the desired effect, her son gave a small laugh. “Son, do you like her?”

Ben looked down at her in horrified shock. “Like her? I can barely stand the chit. She’s a foul-mouthed savage that’s too cocky for her own good.”

 _Oh oh,_ Leia thought, looking up at her son’s furrowed eyebrows, the same expression she must had worn when denying her attraction to his father all those years ago.

***

It was a sunny day, warm and breezy. Rey stood ankle deep in the lake, head turned toward the sun, enjoying the cool water lapping at her legs. Smiling she undid the knots on her head, wanting to feel the wind tossing her hair. She hiked to this spot as often as she could, enjoying the seclusion it offered and the beautiful clear blue lake that she dreamed of one day swimming in.

She could imagine being submerged in the water, her arms and legs propelling her forward, could only guess at what it would feel like. The lake was as terrifying as it was awe inspiring. The water beckoned and yet she was too scared to go further in. Rey lowered her arms to the water, sunk them to the elbow, played around a little bit. She wet her face, cooling her heated cheeks.

“Rey?”

She jumped at the sound, summoning the Force and pushing back towards its source with all her might.

“Fuck!” Ren exclaimed, his feet sliding back under from the strength of her attack. He braced himself, managing to remain upright.

“Still attacking first and asking questions later, ” he snarled at her.

“You startled me,” she defended.

“I called out your name, you savage,” he said, smoothing over his high collar shirt that had been jostled at her attack.

“No one comes here. It’s usually only me.”

“Didn’t you sense me?”

“Why would I sense you?” She asked, coming out of the water. She went to the blanket she had brought, taking her lunch out from her satchel. “What do you want?” she asked, trying to be polite, though all she wanted to do was telling him to fuck off.

“I wanted to talk to you about the Falcon.”

Rey glared at him. Her perfect day ruined. If he said another disparaging thing about the Falcon she would hack all his pretty hair off. “What about it?”

“I apologize if I offended you before,” he said in a clipped tone, as if he had rehearsed it beforehand. “But I still think that it could do with some upgrading.”

“It’s in perfect working order,” Rey said through a mouthful of food, knowing it would annoy him.

“No it isn’t. Something is always breaking. You know it. If it’s not one thing it’s another.”

Maintaining the Falcon could be a bitch, but an overhaul seemed sacrilegious to Rey. It was Han Solo’s ship, doing anything to it that wasn’t strictly necessary felt like betrayal to the old man. She could picture his curmudgeonly face fretting over anything that she changed. Besides, she wasn’t sure how Chewie would react to the idea, he seemed just as determined to keep things as much the same as they had been with Han.

“Don’t be stubborn, Rey. At some point you’re going to need the Falcon and it’s going to fail you. It’s better to be proactive.”

“I told you, the Falcon may look like junk but I have it running beautifully. The exterior doesn’t matter to anyone except to your rich boy sense of aesthetics.”

“Maybe,” he responded. “I remember what it used to look like. It was never a beauty, but at least it didn’t look like a decaying pile of junk.”

“Screw you, Ren. It’s not yours to do as you please.”

“It isn’t yours either, remember that,” he snarled. “It belonged to my father and no one else. He loved the damn thing. I just want to make it into what he dreamed. He always talked about fixing it up- Forget it.”

Ren shook his head at her, his lips curling in disdain. He was such an entitled little shit. But she could tell he had tried to be earnest. “You want to do it for him?” She asked.

He nodded brusquely.

“You think he would have wanted to?”

“Oh, he always wanted to fix her up. He just never had the resources to do so,” Ren said drily.

“I’ll have to talk to Chewie,” she said after some deliberation.

His eyes fleeted back to her in surprise. “This was easier than I thought.”

She shrugged. “I assume you’ve already gotten mommy’s permission.”

“Yes,” he said through clenched teeth. “I have.”

“Good.”

***

Chewbacca offered no objections, but Rey knew he wasn’t entirely happy with Ren, his idea, or having him inspecting the Falcon inch by inch. The three of them now walked the ship, Ren with a datapad, typing a list of all the repairs that needed to be done, from purely decorative ones to upgrading the engine. Rey had lost count at thirteen and they weren’t even halfway across the ship.

“What else?”

The wookie made a woeful moan.

“No, there’s more.”

Chewie shook his head in denial. Rey could empathize, every repair or modification they suggested seemed like an insult to Han Solo’s memory. Rey bit her lip, gazed at the aging ship and felt a horrible pang. For Han Solo and the for ship that was way past its prime.

“Uncle Chewie-” Ren said, and instantly shut his mouth. He’d slipped up, she realized. Rey hadn’t known they’d been that close, that Kylo Ren at some point had considered the wookie family.

Chewie stared down at Ren in disapproval, the tension palpable between the two.

“Don’t call me that,” Chewbacca growled.

Ren nodded at the wookie.

She looked away, unable to stand Ren’s expression, the obvious way in which he schooled his features to hide the hurt. He deserved it, she thought, every slight and angry word, all the distrust. He’d earned it. All of it.

Chewie growled again and walked away, pushing past Ren with a force that had the other man stumbling into the wall.

“You know, for supposedly being good guys you two are surprisingly violent,” Ren said, looking at Chewie’s retreating form, frowning but his words lacking any heat.  

“Come on,” Rey said, ignoring the pinch in her heart that felt almost like sympathy. “Let’s get this over with.”

He fell in step beside her. “Why are you doing this?”

“You say he would have wanted this, and the memory of Han Solo surpasses my very obvious dislike of you,” she told him without qualms.

“How long did you know him for? A day? Two at most? You hardly knew him, what kind of man he was.”

“He wasn’t the type of man that deserved to be murdered by his own son,” she snapped.

She’d crossed the line and she knew it. He had done unspeakable things but if there was one thing she knew about Kylo Ren was that he genuinely regretted what he had been. It had been with his help that she and Luke had defeated Snoke. He’d looked shocked, lost when instead of following orders he’d turned on his master. Luke had dragged him back, confident that he could be rehabilitated.

Ren spun on his heel, hands fisted on his side and started to stomp away.

Rey grasped at his sleeve. “Wait. I’m sorry,” she told him.

He shook her hand off. “This was a bad idea,” he said roughly, walking out.

Remorseful, Rey stood where he had left her. She bit her lip, headed for her room but ended up in the Captain’s quarters. The room hadn’t been touched since Han’s death.There wasn’t much. He had only recovered the Falcon for a short time. Still, walking in his room seemed like an intrusion. Even though it probably suffered many changes over the years as the Falcon went from one owner to another, small details that were unmistakably his still permeated every corner. Rey sat down on the unmade bed, looking around. Feeling uncomfortable she slid to the floor.

Floor panels were rusting, she thought, picking at them like she would a scab. It would be nice to see the Falcon shine. Her finger notched onto an opening. Curiously she hooked her finger on it and pulled. A square section come off the floor.

Secret compartment, Rey thought excitedly. She’s found so many throughout the ship, but even Chewbacca apparently didn’t know them all. She eagerly opened the box, excited to see what was inside of it, if anything.

She found a pair of tiny shoes, a lock of wavy black hair and a holovid. She played the holovid, and her eyes burned at the sight of a young Han Solo, cocky and strong, almost happy. So unlike the defeated beaten soul she had met. A boy giggled in the background, and Chewie made an appearance carrying a boy on his shoulders.

Ren.

She never would have pegged Han to be the sentimental type. But then again, Ren had been right. She hardly knew Han Solo. The boy stretched his arms toward Han who swung the boy into his arms. Rey could hear Leia’s laughter.

Rey shut it down abruptly.

She felt even worse about what she had said to Ren. Han had loved his son, of that there was no doubt. Sighing, she looked to find another item in the box. A piece of aging paper, scribbled on by a child with the barely legible words, _I miss you, Daddy. Love Ben._

It made her want to laugh and cry at the same time.

***

Rey hurried toward Leia’s housing quarters, dressed atypically in sandals and trousers that were less practical than she was used to and a blouse that had a little bow at the neckline. Leia’s dinners were always cause for concern, at least for her. The general had been kind to include her, and she always wanted to make a good impression, though she knew she sorely lacked good manners. But she tried her best, even if Ren oftentimes managed to push her beyond her breaking point.

She spotted his hunched form just ahead of her. She slowed down, unsure how to proceed. The box she had found on the Falcon a heavy burden on her satchel. Rey had planned on giving it to Leia, but was afraid it would hurt the other woman by opening old wounds that were only just beginning to heal. Chewie had wanted nothing to do with it.

“Wait up, your Dickishness,” she called out. How did these things come out of her mouth? She had just made a promise to herself to try to get along with the asshole, for Han and Leia’s sake.

He didn’t slow down and continued his loping gait.

“It’s silly to ignore me now, we’re going to the same place,” she told him, picking up her pace to catch up.

“I welcome any reprieve from your presence,” he told her, exasperated.

“Wait,” she said, grabbing his sleeve again. “I found something on the Falcon. I was going to take to your mother but- Well, take a look.”

She reached for the box and shoved it at him. Ren took it automatically, gazing at her with confusion. She stepped back awkwardly. Rey had never once initiated physical contact with him in all the the time he had been back, years now, and today she had grabbed at him twice.

He opened the box and his face turned neutral, devoid of any emotion. “Where did you get this?”

“A hidden compartment in Han’s quarters. Just today after you left.”

“I see.” He looked toward his mother’s housing unit, then turned back to Rey. “Give my mother my apologies. I will not be coming to dinner tonight.”

“But it’s tradition,” Rey responded.

He laughed derisively. “Everyone will enjoy themselves more if I’m not present.”

“Not Leia.”

“Her too.”

Rey watched as he walked away, the box tucked into his side, his shoulders hunched and his gait heavy but somehow defeated. Sighing she continued on her way, wondering if she should have just kept the damn thing herself or placed it back into the Falcon, to be discovered by someone else.

He had been right. Without him the conversation at dinner flowed much more smoothly. There wasn’t a tension permeating the dinner. Poe was back from his mission, and he made sure to have them all rolling with laughter. Unfortunately, Finn was still away, otherwise it would been one of the best nights she’d had on a long while.

Strangely, though she didn’t want to admit it, her perfect evening felt off. Something tugged at her, and there seemed to be a fluffy-haired, long limbed giant, Ren shaped hole in her heart. Compassion, she thought, with distaste. She hated when it sprung up on her.

To her surprise, he was waiting for her outside the Falcon.

“Did you watch it?” He asked when she was near enough.

“Just a few moments,” she confessed guiltily. “I didn’t mean to-”

“It’s fine.” He said. “Thank you.” He nodded at her. “I just wanted to say thank you.”

“Ren,” she started, when he made a move to leave. “It’s a good idea. You’re right. I believe you when you say Han would have wanted the Falcon improved. We could do it. Chewie has agreed, and he’ll warm to the idea when he sees the changes. It’s just hard for him.”

“I shouldn’t have brought it up,” he said, inhaling the night air audibly.

“He would have wanted you to have it.”

He scoffed. “You don’t know that. I was a constant disappointment to him.”

“I know he kept your baby shoes and your hair and your ugly drawings,” she shrugged.

“That wasn’t us in the holovid, Rey. That was a rare moment frozen in time, devoid of the usual screams and drama that plagued our family. I don’t even remember it. Can’t think of the last time the three of us were together.”

“You were loved, which is more than some people have,” she said, the bitterness in her tone slipping through.

“I know.”

He looked at the Falcon then, his expression going soft. “I used to dream I would fly this thing. That he and I would travel the galaxy following adventure after adventure. I used to think it was the most amazing ship in the galaxy.” He shook his head. “I was sent to Luke before I was old enough to be taught to fly it. I know nothing of mechanics, of how it works, any of the things that the Falcon might need. It was foolish of me to think I could make it what it never was.”

“I could teach you as we go.”

“You cared for Han Solo that much?”

“I admired him. He was kind to me, in his way. And I’m living in his bloody ship. I owe him.”

He looked back at her. “Han- My father may not have taught me how to fly or fix the Falcon, but he taught me how to swim. I could teach you.” At her shocked eyes, he continued. “I wasn’t prying. You were broadcasting freely that day. You want to learn how to swim but you’re embarrassed. Han Solo taught me, and I could teach you.”

It sounded nice when he said it like that, as if Han Solo had passed on the skill to his son so that he could could pass it on to her. “How much of an asshole are you planning to be while you teach me?”

“I’ll try to restrain myself,” he said, his lips quirking at the corners.

***

Ren being an asshole while he taught her to swim was the least of her worries. No, she had more pressing concerns, like his bare chest glinting wetly in the sun. She had never seen him out of his prudish clothes, never even caught a glimpse at what lay beneath the robes. And now she felt like such a perv whenever her eyes slid below his neck, which they inevitably did, like every thirty seconds.

It was a bit strange, more than a bit strange, to find him so attractive. He was the bane of her existence at the base, always managing to somehow annoy her. All it took sometimes was a disdainful look from him to have her huffing in anger. He was so proper and uptight in his severe clothes that just looking at him put her back up. Even the way he had patiently folded his monkish clothes had made her gnash her teeth. 

But he wasn’t wearing anything close to severe now, black swim shorts and nothing else, and that alone humanized him somewhat. When he had started undressing in front of her, her mouth had fallen open, and that had just been when he’d taken off his shoes and she’d seen his bare toes. When more skin was revealed, she couldn’t look away. The scars held her entranced, the moles on his shoulders, the broad chest with the smattering of hair… as more was uncovered the closer she came to the realization that he was terrifyingly attractive and she was hopelessly attracted.  

It actually made it worse that he seemed to have no problem keeping his usual facade of disinterest. Since she did not remotely owned anything resembling a swimsuit she had gone with tight shorts and a tank top. Obviously, seeing so much of her body did not seem to have the same effect on him that his marvelously displayed skin had on her.

“Rey, we’ve been here for ages. Come on,”

“I’m going, I’m going,” she told him.

She gazed down at her legs, the water reached her knees. She took another step, her heart beating hard. One more. Finn hadn’t been this pushy when he had tried to teach her how to swim. He’d been a darling for all of it, and whenever she had enough, he would smile and tell her she had done a good job. She didn’t think Ren would be so understanding.

“I don’t think I can do this,” she told him.

He sighed and held out his hand. “Come on, you can. I’m right here.”

Rey looked at the extended hand and then at his face, then it slipped to his pects and then she pretended to look up at sky. “Forgive me if that doesn’t comfort me.”

“You still don’t trust me?”

“Oh, I trust your loyalties. I’m just not sure if I trust you to keep me from drowning when I so obviously annoy you. This could be premeditated murder.”

“I would never hurt you,” he started. “My mother would be devastated if something happened to the daughter she never had.”

“Has she said that?” Rey asked, pleased and thrilled at the notion, momentarily forgetting her anxiety

He ignored her question and went on, “Besides, Chewie would tear my arms from their sockets while Luke watched, lightsaber ignited to slice my head off. Not to mention Finn and Poe would also want to participate in my dismemberment. I’m sure they’d find a use for BB-8 as well. So you see, I couldn’t.”

“Reassuring,” Rey said dryly. 

He held his hand out again. Rey followed the length of his long fingers, up his sinewy limb. Nice arms, she thought, pale from lack of exposure to the elements but beautifully defined. Her eyes shifted lower, focusing on his sternum, down to the flat of his stomach and to the waistline of his swimming shorts. She gave a sigh, dreamily.

“My eyes are up here,”

“I wasn’t-” she stuttered, “I- My mind went elsewhere.”

“Obviously.”

Rey gritted her teeth and stepped forward. The water felt deliciously cool against her heated skin. She didn’t stop until she was waist deep. She took his hand and he led her in just a little more. “I wasn’t ogling you,” she defended even though she had been.

“Sure,” he said, his full lips wrapping around the word slowly. “Lean back into the water, I’ll hold you up. We’ll do floating first until you’re more comfortable in the water.”

She swished in the water a little. Rey had never been this deep before. It was an odd experience, half her body was burning from the heat and the bottom half was weightless and cold. Experimentally she sunk lower, bent her knees to submerge herself more. She giggled at the feeling.

“You want to put your head in?”

“Okay.”

“Take a deep breath-”

“I know that,” she huffed.

She braced herself, taking a breath and jumping out a little and then down into the water. She stopped at the last moment, unable to the take the final plunge. She tried it again, and again, with the same results while Ren looked at her with his eyebrow rising higher on his face.

“Let’s try floating instead,” she said. “Show me.”

He demonstrated by falling back, his huge body somehow made upright by the water. It seemed easy enough, except every time she tried it she sunk too deep and ended up panicking and sputtering up water. At her third attempt she felt his arms bracing her body, his muscles flexing beneath her, holding her up.

“Relax.”

She inhaled deeply, recalling her Jedi training and slowly her stiff muscles loosened. She let herself fall more into his arms, the water surrounding her and lulling her to a sense of calm. Her ears were covered by the water, her head lolling back as Ren made sure she wouldn’t sink. She felt like she was flying slowly through space.

He made to remove his arms and the peace shattered with a strangled cry. “No, don’t,” she said, coming to her feet and grasping at his slippery arm.

“If you feel that you’re sinking, just use the Force.”

“That’s cheating.”

“It’ll give you comfort knowing that you can. Again.”

“Hold me,” she ordered, prompting that dam eyebrow to raise again. Rey ignored it and fell back into his arms, smiling as she closed her eyes and enjoying the feeling of being weightless. It took a couple of tries but Ren managed to remove his arms and have her float on her own.

Rey laughed and said, “I’m swimming,” as she flailed her arms and kicked her legs.

“Not quite,” Ren said, tugging at one of her feet and pulling her back closer to shore.

It felt glorious. The sun was hot on her face and the wind crisp and warm, the scent of the trees breezing by. The water was divine, soothing her aches, making her light and spry. Of course, Kylo Ren would ruin it.

“That’s enough of that. Let’s move on.”

Sighing, she set her feet down on the giving gravel, kneeling so the water came almost to her neck. “What do you want me to do now?”

“Put your head underwater,” he told her. “Try that again.”

It was harder than just letting herself float. Putting her head underwater took will power and purpose. She frowned at the water, told herself she could do it and plunged it in one quick jerk. She came out laughing and sputtering water.

***

He was worse than Finn, Rey quickly came to realize when confronted with Ren’s complete lack of mechanical skills. It was surprising considering who his father had been, and what a genius Luke was with engines and droids. Typical rich boy, she thought, used to having others do what he could have so easily done for himself.

“Here, let me me show you,” she told him, sliding next to him in the engine room. There was barely enough room beneath the engine hatch, so she slid on her side. A flashlight pointing on what needed to be rewired for the new hyperdrive.

They were starting with the big stuff, and working their way down to less essential projects. It would take a while. He shifted beside her, his shoulder bumping against hers. His face was drawn in concentration, intent on her instructions, memorizing every word.

“Where did you learn all this?” He asked

“Scavenging, studying schematics, tinkering with parts and engines,” she answered him.

“So… you taught yourself.”

“Uh huh,” Rey said distractedly, working on a stubborn wire.

Noting the sudden quiet, she turned to look at him. He was staring at her with the same concentration that he had been looking at the hyperdrive. It was unnerving to say the least. “What?” She snapped. “I’m perfectly qualified.”

“Didn’t say you were not,” he said, going back to work. “I was impressed. That was my impressed face.”

“Oh.”

Rey flushed, not really knowing how to take the almost compliment from him. She stared at him some more, scrunching her nose at how aptly he was pretending he didn’t noticed her gaze. “Sorry,” she said, “We haven’t argued in days. Old habits, you know.”

He half laughed.

“ _I_ never argue. It’s you that always takes everything I say the wrong way.”

“Because you’re rude, and mean, and have no idea how you sound, all imperial, looking down your nose at me.”

“You’ve gone soft, Scavenger,” he said, reverting to his old nickname for her. “No need to get hurt just because I’m the only damn person in the whole base that didn’t fall under your spell.”

“Excuse me?”

He turned to look at her, abandoning the wiring of the hyperdrive. In that moment Rey realized just how close they were under the hatch. Their upper bodies were almost touching, and their legs were side by side, sticking out into the engine room.

Ren had such pretty lips, she thought idly, almost pouty. How someone as vile as he could be so damn attractive was one of the many great injustices of the universe. How dare he, with his perfect hair and plump lips and smoldering eyes, look that good and be such a fucking asshole ninety-nine point nine percent of the time?

“You’ve got everyone convinced that you’re a ray of sunshine, all pretty and cute and innocent, gifted at pretty much whatever you set your mind to. But I know you like they don’t,” he said, searching her face slowly, scanning over her features much as she had done to him just seconds before. “I bear the mark of what you want to hide.”

“You make it sound as if I deceive people.”

“Don’t you?” He sneered. “Master Luke, I do so enjoy our training together,” he mocked, using a faked sweetness to his deep voice. “Leia, such a pleasure to be here, I just adore all the awkward silences and veiled aggression. Chewie, of course I’ll manage the Falcon by myself, I just adore having all the responsibility. Ren, of course I’ll let you teach me how to swim, and fix Han Solo’s ship, after all, there’s nothing I wouldn’t do for a man I hardly knew,” he finished disdainfully.

“You’re such an asshole,” she said, scrambling out of the hatch.

Outside, she resisted kicking his ridiculously long legs. She frowned down at him, waiting for him to come out so that she could… do something to wipe that fucking sneer of his face. What did he know about her, the jerk.

“What is going on?” Leia asked, walking determinedly toward them. “It’s quite disappointing that you can not get along-’ she scolded, her tone exhausted. “I might not be a Jedi Master, but I can feel a damn disturbance-”

Rey was about to apologize when Leia came to an ungraceful stop. The older woman blinked, shook her head as if to clear it. Rey followed her gaze. She was staring at Ren’s legs, clad in a navy trousers and regulation boots.

Ren slid out of the hatch, “Mom?”

Leia stumbled back, and Rey caught a glimpse of what she had been thinking. For a moment, just a second, Leia had seen Han working on the Falcon. A familiar image that had brought her up short, left her feeling broken once it had faded.

“I-I-,” the usually composed woman stuttered. “I have to go.”

Ren pushed to his feet, took a few stunted steps to follow his mother. He growled and twisted his large frame, grabbing the first thing he saw, a mag wrench, and swinging it with a savage yell against the wall.

“Hey!”

He growled again, ignoring her cry of protest, going to the hatch and kicking it repeatedly until the door was a mangled mess. Rey watched with wide eyes, not having seen this side of him for so long. She’d forgotten how dangerous he could be, what little actual control he seemed to have.

He was breathing harshly, staring at the door, his hands fisted tightly. It wasn’t anger she felt first, though, coming from him. It was pain.

“You’re going to fix that,” she stated firmly.

Kylo Ren turned his eyes towards her and glared before stomping out.

***

Finn and Poe were present at the dinner, though Luke was off on a diplomatic mission. Leia was back to herself, laughing at the easy conversation. There was something missing, Rey thought, a heavy weight that brought everyone down with misery. Ren.

“Is your son not coming again?” Rey asked, trying to sound nonchalant when there was a break in the conversation.

Finn and Poe turned to look at her disbelief. Finn gave her a half smile, his head cocking in a question. Poe raised and eyebrow. For her part, Leia took a sip of her tea and sighed. “No, Rey. He’s not coming tonight.”

The general didn’t need to say why. Rey knew that what had happened at the Falcon had been uncomfortable for all involved and that Ren was probably licking his wounds. She should be glad of it, happy that he wasn’t ruining this dinner as he always did with his brooding presence. But she saw Leia’s smile was strained, her eyes drifting to the door just in case her son decided to come after all.

Rey put her drink down. “I have to go do something real quick. I’ll be back soon,” she smiled at the group and left them staring perplexedly after her.

This would be the second time that he would miss a dinner, and that was unacceptable. She would drag him back no matter what. It was tradition. If they were on base, they had to show up to the weekly dinners. That’s just how it was. No amount of whatever the fuck he was feeling excused him.

She reached out with Force, letting him know well in advance that she was going to his quarters. There was no response from him and she ended up banging loudly at his door. She was seriously considering just using the Force to break in and drag him out to his mother’s place.

The door slid open and Rey found herself staring at a wet naked chest. Gritting her teeth she raised her eye level to his face. His hair was damp and brushed back, and he was wearing a scowl that had most people running for their lives.

“What?” He barked.

“You’re late for dinner.”

He scoffed. “I’m not going.”

“Why?”

He leaned against the doorframe, crossing his arms in front of his broad chest. “There’s not enough time to list the reasons.”

“It’s tradition,” she said, glaring at him. “You have to come.”

“It’s an exercise in awkwardness and restraint,” he argued. “A bunch of people tolerating me for my mother’s sake.”

“Yeah, well, it’s my tradition. It’s the closest thing I’ve got to family. So what, if you’re uncomfortable? It pleases Leia to see you there. “ Rey poked him in the middle of his chest, right on large ugly scar that looked like it had been a vicious injury. “You were right about me being… less me, around them. You’re right. Okay. And you know why I do it? Because I want them to like me, I want them to keep me around. You don’t have to worry about that. They love you, they will always love you. Even Han, he loved you until his dying breath. No matter what you do, they’ll love you.”

Rey shifted from one foot to the next, looked past his arm and into his room to avoid his eyes. “Luke and Leia, they’ll never let you go, and I’ll never let them go, so we’re stuck you and I. Leia wants you there, she likes seeing us all together, and I like seeing her happy. So, put a damn shirt on, fluff your stupid hair and let’s go.”

“Rey-”

“For once don’t say anything back. Just do as I say.”

He pushed off the doorframe, his jaw flexing and his mouth twisting as if he wanted to say something. Finally, he turned around. He left the door open, so she took that as an invitation to walk into his room. Rey watched him go to his closet, pick something out and walk into his ‘fresher.

She took more liberty with inspecting his rooms. It was tidy, not much of anything, so the box and the baby shoes really stood out on his nightstand. So did the holovid with the Falcon’s schematics. That reminded her.

“You still owe me a door!”

***

Rey was still bleary eyed the next morning when someone sent her a comm for permission to board. Sighing, she ran a hand through her still unbrushed hair. She let them in, and got up slowly, knowing that it was either Finn or Poe, and that they knew their way to her rooms. “Yeah?” She said opening the door to her bedroom.

She came instantly awake when Leia appeared, smiling softly and looking bright eyed for being so damn early in the morning. “Oh, come in, come in.”

Quickly she shuffled clothes and other items that littered the room, trying unsuccessfully to cleanup the mess. Force, how embarrassing to have Leia see her private quarters in such disarray.

“Calm down, Rey. I’m not going to scold you,” Leia said, sitting down on a recently cleared chair. “I just wanted to talk to you before you headed off to train with with Luke. Oh, stop running around, sit down. It’s fine.”

Rey nodded and sat down across from Leia, her face burning at the unmade bed and the empty containers of food that lined every available surface. “Is everything alright?”

“No, Rey. It’s not.”

Rey’s stomach dropped. What could it be? What had she done?

“Last night, my Ben told me how you feel,” Leia started. “Frankly, I’m disappointed that you think my and, I think I speak for my brother as well, Luke’s affection are dependent on your good behavior.”

“I-”

The older woman held up a hand to quiet her. “You’re family, Rey. It hurts me that you don’t feel a part of it.”

“I do. That’s why I try so hard.”

“You don’t have try hard, Rey. We already love you.”

Rey gave a shuddering breath, not knowing how to react, what to say.

“My darling girl, you have brought so much to all of us. You gave us all hope. But you’re more than that. More than your skills in the Force and your piloting skills. We’d love you regardless. You don’t have to stay here if you don’t want to. You can abandon your training with Luke, leave to another planet, it won’t change a thing.”

“I want to stay here. You’re my family,” Rey choked out, unsure if she could say more without breaking down into tears.

“Good,” the woman offered a smile, slapping her thighs as if the matter was settled. “I’d never seen you with your hair down. You’ve such pretty hair.”

“Thank you.”

“May I brush it?”

With a giant knot on her throat Rey retrieved her brush from the ‘fresher and sat down obediently at Leia’s feet. The knot in her throat tightened even more when she felt the older woman’s hands running the brush through her hair, humming softly as she untangled the strands.

“After Ben, I wanted to have another child. A girl,” Leia said wistfully. “I wanted a girl.”

The knot loosened, and if Leia noticed her shaking shoulders she didn’t comment on them.

“Ben has such pretty hair, thick and lustrous, but he has never let me do more than tie it back to get it off his face. Would you like me to style your hair, braid it?”

“Yeah.”

Leia left, but not before giving her a kiss on the forehead as Rey had seen her do to Ren. The petite woman raised her hands to wipe at Rey’s damp cheeks and smiled encouragingly. “Have a nice day, darling.”

Once she was gone, Rey rushed to the ‘fresher to gaze at the mirror. Her hair was tied back, with several looping braids falling girlishly behind her. She swung them around experimentally, pleased at the feeling of them swishing at her back. More tears fell, but she welcomed them.

She reached with the Force to Ren, keeping the image of the braids in her mind, wanting to show off.

_Are you crying over braids?_

_Kylo Ren, you’re a snitch and a momma’s boy._

_You’re welcome._

_And you still owe me a door!_  


***

Ren was halfway in the lake, his upper body demonstrating a stroke. He struck his arms out, swinging them around his body and bringing them back out again, his head twisting to the left imitating taking a breath. His lean muscles flexed beautifully with every moment, his low hanging swim shorts slipping a centimeter down with each stroke.

“Show me again,” Rey told him, watching attentively, biting her lip.

Ren narrowed his eyes at her.

She shrugged and smiled innocently at him.

He didn’t fall for it the third time so she ended up practicing under his scrutinizing eye. It was a while before he was satisfied with her form. Once he was satisfied that she had the stroke down as much as possible, he dove into the water, showing her what it would look like.

It was like silk, the way his arms parted the water, smooth and almost silent, his head twisting to the side to take a well choreographed breath. Ren was graceful in the water in a way that he had never managed to be on his feet. He looked weightless and lithe and mouthwatering.

She felt particularly heavy limbed when it was her turn. Though she was athletic, her arms and legs refused to heed her directions. After several failed attempts, he resorted to the technique he had used to teach her to float.

One of his hands grasped her right under her breasts the other took a hold of her hip. “Try the stroke, get a rhythm going,” he ordered.

Damn if his voice and hands didn’t make her weak in the knees. Good thing she was in water with no risk of tripping over her own two feet. She practiced until she felt comfortable using her body in such a way. And then she tried it on her own.

And swam for the very first time in her life.  


It felt wondrous. Her body propelling her forward, the water flowing through her hands, like silk, just like she had imagined. It was a powerful feeling, swimming. She felt absolutely giddy, continued swimming, until she heard Ren’s voice cautioning to stay close to shore. She changed her direction and swam until her legs and arms were burning, and her stomach was a tight set of muscles.

When she emerged, she was laughing and feeling like she had just managed an amazing feat. Ren was quiet, but she could tell her joy was pulling at his lips. Silently they returned to shore. She sat on the blanket she brought, starving. Ren shook his head like an animal and droplets of water from his hair rained on her, making her giggle.

“Thank you,” she told him, looking up at his face.

He nodded at her silently, picking up his stuff from where they laid next to hers.

“Don’t go yet,” she told him. “Sit down.”

She grabbed a hold of one his hands and sat him down on the blanket next to her. She took out her lunch, placed the container in front of them, offering to share her meal tacitly.

“I’m so hungry,” she said, grabbing a portion of the bread and smearing it with honey.

“That’s your default mode, I believe,” he said.

Rey scrunched up her nose, looked at him and shrugged. “I guess.”

“This is a very generous lunch,” he told her, gazing at her meal and then back at her. “You always haul all this much all the way up here?”

“I do. And I always end up eating every single crumb, so eat fast before it’s all gone.”

Following her advice he took a juicy fruit, biting it with a controlled elegance that Rey would never in a million years have accomplished, not even once letting the juice drop unbecomingly down his chin. Rey, entranced, felt her heart racing as the sun warmed her chilled skin.

She was ogling him again.

Clearing her throat, she turned her head toward the lake. It’s calm and beautiful and absolutely fucking perfect. Of course he would ruin it.

“You know how to swim. We’re done. You can learn everything else on your own. It’ll be easier now that you’re not scared. Just stay in the shallow end until you’re proficient enough to go deeper.”

“Without you?”

“Bring your friends. They’ll watch over you.”

Yeah, that would be fun, Rey thought. But that Ren shaped hole was materializing again, and he wasn’t even gone yet. “I get why I never learned how to swim,” she said, prolonging his departure. “Desert planet and all. I know you were taken to Luke at an early age, but you must have been exposed through Han and Chewie to at least basic mechanical repairs. How is it that you’re completely lacking in mechanical skills?”

He leaned back on the blanket. “I was always better at theory than practice,” he said. “I could never get things just right, like they were supposed to. I had no instinct for it. And Han, my dad, he had no patience for an awkward kid running underfoot while he tried to keep the Falcon from falling apart. Believe it or not it was Chewie who managed to teach me the little I know.”

“He’s a sweetheart.”

“When he’s not tearing people limb from limb, you mean.”

Rey laughed. “Yeah. So, Han didn’t-”

“No. I was gawky and clumsy, all knees and elbows. I was shy and quiet. Not exactly the son the Great Han Solo had expected to have. The only thing I was good at was the Force and he had no understanding of it, no desire to learn about ‘mumbo jumbo’ as he called it.”

Rey gaze fell on his large feet, bony and slim, thick at the knuckles, to his protruding knees. She could picture him, a reedy thing, large ears and nose that would have been too big for his narrow face. Han for all his good traits had not seemed like a sensitive man.

Impulsively, Rey turned toward him to embrace him, laying her head on the hollow on his throat. “I’m not hugging you,” she told him. “I’m hugging little Ben.”

“It’s hard for me to tell the difference,” he said wryly, obviously uncomfortable with her display.

She laughed softly. “Okay. I’m done.”

“Good. Don’t do it again.”

***

Ren looked at the schematics, the instructions made sense, but when he looked at the jumble of wires, coils and parts, he couldn’t make heads or tails out of it. He pressed a button and was promptly burned by the sparks that his repairs had caused.

“Fuck!”

An amused growl filled the engine room. He turned to see Chewbacca staring at him, face upturned, snout closing and opening with the sounds of his wookie laughter. Frowning, Ren sucked his finger into his mouth to sooth the burn.

The wookie stood at the threshold of the room laughing far longer than Ren thought his small mishap warranted. “Perhaps you could be of assistance instead of just standing there laughing at me?” He said, unable to keep the whine out of his voice.

“What are you trying to do?” The inquiry was softly spoken, though to Ren it sounded suspiciously like subdued laughter.

“Fix the motivator to start putting in the engine,” Ren answered promptly, surprised that Chewie was engaging in a conversation with him.

“Your father replaced that thing so much, the schematics don’t match anymore.”

“Great.”  He ran a hand through his hair in frustration. He’d been working on the damn thing for ages with the wrong manual.

“I could show you, if you want.”  There was no humor in Chewie’s tone now. The offer sounded serious and weighty.  

“Yes. Please.”  Ren said nervously.  A knot forming in his throat, remembering when the Wookie had helped him make sense of Falcon, of its parts and controls.

“First thing, Pup, drop that manual. I know this ship even better than Rey,” he said, finally crossing into the room.

Ren didn’t comment on the old moniker, though his heart burst a little when he heard it.  Ren merely nodded and followed his instruction to the letter, not wanting to cause anything that would make Chewbacca walk out on him. They fixed the motivator and then they moved on to another item on the list, and then another.

Ren was becoming tired, but he was unwilling to let the wookie go just yet. So they continued, Chewbacca lowly growling instructions while Ren did his best to do the repairs. They were startled out of their work when giggles broke through the ship.

It was Rey and another voice, a male’s voice. Chewbacca growled menacingly and Ren concurred with the sentiment. In complete understanding, he and Chewie made their way to the entrance of the ship.

They found Rey and another man, an ace pilot making their way through the ship, his arms wrapped around her waist, whispering something in her ear that was making her laugh out loud. Ren clenched his fists.

The pilot came to a halt when he spotted Chewbacca and Ren standing in the hallway.

“Hi guys,” Rey said, smiling, oblivious at the sudden tension. “What are you doing here so late?”

“I came to fix the door.”

“The pup and I were preparing the Falcon for the new engine.”

Rey stared at them an odd expression on her face. She turned to the pilot, smiling, “Let’s call it a night, yes?”

“Sure,” the man ground out.

The pilot leaned over for a kiss, but a growl from Chewbacca had him freezing mid-kiss. He backed away from Rey and waved at her instead. “See you,” she said cheerfully.

That poor sod, Ren thought, he was completely enamored. Rey had no idea the effect she had on people. Everyone was drawn to her, by the her smile and her laughter, and the endearing way the smallest of things could bring her boundless joy.

His mother had done her hair again, and it was tied back, curling softly to rest on her shoulder. She touched the locks reverently, her fingers wrapping around them, pulling at it as if to make sure it was still there. “Well, I’m glad that I have you both here,” she said, walking over to sit down by holo table. “I found someone on Corellia who specializes in restoring classic ships… they don’t usually work on Freighter units, but,” she shrugged. “They agreed to take on the Falcon because, well, it’s the bloody Millennium Falcon. I was hoping the three of us could go visit, agree on the scope of the work.”

Rey was gazing at the both of them happily, and Ren wondered what the fuck he had gotten himself into.

***

The way to the mechanic’s shop that would take on the job to bring the Falcon back its former glory (though no one could agree when that was) was waylaid by all the vendors and food stalls that littered the urban planet. Rey was pretty sure that she had eaten her weight in food and had bought more trinkets that she would ever need or even had space for in her little bedroom.

Chewbacca and Ren were being patient, but she could tell both were getting fed up with her little side excursions. Not to mention she had both of them carrying the stuff she had bought so that she could browse comfortably.

“I never had to do this for your father,” Chewie griped to Ren.

Ren shifted the bags from one hand to the other. “No, for my father, you mostly dodged mercenaries and bounty hunters.”

“Good point, pup.”

Rey smiled and pulled herself from the temptation from her shopping spree. She turned, grabbed onto Chewie’s hairy arm and walked down the street, consciously ignoring everything. It worked, until a billowing flash of yellow caught her eye.

It was a dress, a delicate scrap of material that had her breath catching. It such a pretty thing, unsuitable for anything but pure decadence. Rey reached to touch it, and the material shimmered slightly against her hand.

She shook her head and found Ren watching her intently. “Who would wear this?” She asked. “So impractical.” She took Chewbacca’s arm again and left the dress behind.

Rey had no need of dresses.

They reached the shop and were greeted by a scowling man with a deep widow’s peak. He led them into a fancy waiting area and blue haired woman arrived, smiling widely at them.

“Whoa,” she said, scanning her eyes slowly up Ren’s long body. “You get a discount!”

Ren looked flabbergasted and Rey bit her cheek to stop herself from laughing. The woman, Ruma, flirted outrageously with Ren, to his everlasting chagrin. It worked out to their advantage, and Rey negotiated a price lower than she had anticipated. All thanks to Ren’s broody appeal and the woman’s playful nature.

“I feel used,” he said while they exited the shop.

Rey laughed heartily. “Oh, come one, Ren. Don’t be bashful. You just saved us a handful of credits.”

On the way back to the Falcon, while she got distracted by the vendor’s wares, Ren disappeared on her. She spend an inordinate amount of time looking for his hulking form, only to have him already be at the Falcon when she and Chewie arrived. She stuck out her tongue and frowned viciously at him and received an exasperated sigh for her worry.

***

Rey hurried toward the Falcon, eager to start working on it with Ren. She had actually come to enjoy spending time with him, teaching him about mechanics. He was an apt pupil, listening attentively and learning quickly. And he was kriffing hot, which was an added bonus.

She smirked at the salacious thought, picturing him wet and shirtless at the lake, or wearing a thin tank top that showcased his wide shoulders that proved even grease looked good on him. Rey was crushing on him a little bit. More than a little bit.

Recently, her appreciation for his physique had made her belly flutter excitedly. It was shocking that he could elicit such a response, when only months before her mood had soured at the sight of him. His narrow face had very different effect on her now, as did the deep richness of his voice.

Ren was endearing in a way that was hard to define. Almost like a baby tauntaun that was learning how to walk. But no, he was dangerous too, she reminded herself. He was obviously still haunted by his past, torn and often hurting. Now that she had a better read on him, she understood his brooding nature, something she had taken as conceit and arrogance before, better.

And he was quiet, heartbreakingly so.

At dinner with his mom he only opened his mouth the barest amounts, usually to argue with her, she thought wryly. Otherwise, he remained a stark shadow, eating and drinking, watching them all morosely, wishing he was anywhere but with them. She’d never noticed before, too intent on needling him to pay much heed.

Ren had been a husk of the man he once was when he arrived on base, broken and unsure, nothing to do with the man she had met in Takodana. She remembered vividly the day after he had been allowed out of his confinement. He’d been thin, almost skeletal, his gaze dead. She had hated him so much back then. She’d been gleeful at his state. Only Leia’s pain at seeing her son so reduced had curbed her desire to see him suffering.

And then he’d gotten better, little by little, somehow shaping himself to be the quiet man that could set her temper soaring with one rise of his eyebrow, the man that taught her how to swim and dirtied his hands on the Falcon. The man that made her tummy flutter and her face heat.

If only he showed the slightest bit of attraction toward her.

She wondered if he was shy or merely quiet as she entered her ship, already feeling his energy inside. Rey had a tiring day training with Luke, but there was no way she was going to pass at the chance to spend her time fixing up the Falcon, watching Ren’s big hands dismantle engine parts.

Wanting to freshen up from her training (though she was bound to end up just as filthy if not more from working on the Falcon) Rey went to her room first. She stopped short at the package that was leaning against her door.

She picked it up curiously, wondering at it. Finn and Poe were the most likely to gift her anything, but usually it was done with great aplomb, not with done in such secrecy. Rey tore into package impatiently, eager to see what was inside.

Yellow silk fell into her hands.

Her heart squeezed painfully. Oh, Ren. Rey clutched the dress to her chest, and set it down in her room before she ruined it with her callused hands. It was the dress from Corellia, the one that he’d caught her looking at. She turned on her heel, shower forgotten, to seek him out. She walked to the engine room, where she knew she would find him on most days, huddled over manuals and schematics.

“Ren?”

“Yeah?” He said distractedly, gazing at schematics on a holovid and glaring at the engine part he was working on. He hadn’t touch anything yet, merely stared at the part, visualizing his strategy. It was endearing if sometimes frustrating. To Rey the only way to learn was to get her hands dirty.

“I-I-”

He turned to look at her when she said no more. “What?”

“Thank you. I mean, it’s really not something I would wear. But it’s-”

“What are you talking about?” He asked, going back to the engine.

“The dress.”

“What dress?” He was acting much too casual.

“The dress you bought me on Corellia.”

“Must have been Chewbacca.”

Rey snorted. She grabbed him by the shirt and swung him around so that his back was against the ship’s wall. “You like me,” she said, smiling from ear to ear.

“Why would I like you? You’re abrasive and stubborn and-”

“You like me,” she repeated, adding a singsong voice.

He denied it, his throat bobbing nervously.

“I like you too,” she confessed softly, rising on her toes. “I like you. A lot.” He looked exasperated and handsome and she wanted him more now than when he was shirtless and wet. Mouthwatering actually, with his expression torn and his big body kept in place by her hands on his shoulders.  

“And the pilot? Do you like him too?”

“He’s just a friend.”

“Does he know that?” he snarled.

Sensing the jealous tone of his own voice, Ren looked away from her, “It meant nothing. I felt how much you wanted the dress. I didn’t see why you shouldn’t have it. I didn’t want it to become an issue. It means nothing, Rey.”

“Okay,” she said, but she was smiling up at him as she released her hold on his body.

 

****

TBC


	2. Part II

Ren proved successful in avoiding Rey until the night of the dinner with his mom. Rey was sitting at his mother’s feet, wearing her yellow dress and letting her hair be brushed and plaited in some sort of way that would have her smiling the rest of the night. She winked at him, and he felt his tongue stick to the roof his mouth. 

This girl wasn’t for him, he thought. She was too young, too… everything for him. It was a temporary infatuation that she had for him, he reasoned, product of spending too much time together. He’d have to remedy that. 

Rey motioned with her chin towards a corner of the room. Ren followed the gesture and found Chewbacca folded as best he could on his usual seat. He blinked slowly, not truly believing that the wookie was sitting there. He’d never come before. 

“Pup,” the wookie said, “Have you lost interest in the Falcon already? We haven’t seen you for days.” 

He was caught between wanting to spend time with Chewie, wanting to learn to fix the Falcon, and dissuading Rey even though he actually enjoyed her company much more than he should. “No, I’ll be there soon.

He felt, more than he saw, Rey’s predatory smile. Unease gathered, and he wondered just what he would have to do to dissuade her. The chit was stubborn and had learned to use her smile to get her way. But he wasn’t like the boys she was used to dealing with, easily bent to her whims. 

Dameron arrived shortly and had everyone charmed only moments after his arrival, making Rey throw her head back, laughing loudly. Ren clenched his jaw from his seat next to his mother. The X-wing pilot was even more insufferable than FN-2187 and Hux, combined. Like Rey, people were just drawn to the pilot.

He was grateful when they all finally moved to the dining table, eager to have the evening over and done with. He saw Rey’s intent to settle on the chair beside his own and he braced himself for whatever mischief she had planned. However, a grinning Dameron took a hold of her waist, spun her around and sat her next to him. His jaw would be aching by the end of the dinner, that was for sure. 

“I learned how to swim!” Rey announced excitedly during their meal. 

There was a chorus of congratulations mixed in questions and exclamations. Rey laughed and turned to him. “Ren taught me.” 

Every head swiveled toward him. 

There was obvious puzzlement in the shared looks, and he found himself uncharastically self-conscious at the attention he was receiving. 

“How the hell did you manage that? When Finn tried teaching her, he couldn’t even get her in further than her ankles,” Dameron asked, gazing at him in shock. 

“I’m much a meaner instructor than Finn,” Ren answered. 

“No, no,” Rey protested. “He was very nice. Patient. An excellent teacher, really,” Rey said, flashing him the sweetest smile he had ever seen. 

He felt his mother’s curious stare but pretended not to. His mouth had gone dry and he took a gulp of water to exit the conversation as gracefully as he could. 

“Good for you, Rey. I’m proud of you, kid,” Poe told Rey. “Any chance we could see you in action?” 

“Yeah. That’d be great! According to Ren, I’ve graduated, but I’m going to harangue him for a couple of more lessons. You guys are welcome to come. We’ll make a day out of it.” 

“To that place you like to hike to, right?” Poe asked Rey. She nodded and he continued, looking at Ren, “Finn will be back soon, so maybe in the next several days?” 

_ What the fuck was happening? _

“That would be lovely,” his mother answered and whatever he was going to say to negate it died a quick death after his mother smiled at him with something akin to hope. 

He stepped out as soon as the dishes were cleared, wanting to disperse the strange unease that had fallen over him. Usually, he was a silent guest, present but never participating much. With Chewie asking him questions and Rey trying to bring him into the conversation, and Dameron playing along, Ren felt itchy with how strange the feeling was. 

“Hey.” 

Rey’s voice was soft, as if she were afraid of intruding into his solitude. She came forward, her dress flouncing enticingly around her long legs. He’d beaten himself up over the impulsive decision to buy her that damn dress  as soon she had come into the engine room looking at him as if he was someone she had never met before. 

 

Looking at her now, at the shyness that tinted her features at wearing something she thought wasn’t becoming on her, he couldn’t regret it. She looked soft, like the girl she should have been and not the Jedi in training, not the woman she had been forced to become. 

“We need to talk,” he said, his tone low and serious. 

“Yeah, we do.” 

But she was smiling, and looking at him with a tenderness he didn’t deserve and approaching in her pretty yellow dress. This night, her, he was feeling so unlike himself. Nervous as a teenager with his first woman. In his defense, it was hard to think straight with Rey staring at him like she was. 

“Not tonight,” she said. “You stay with your mom. I know it’s your guy’s thing. I’ve got to get on.” 

She pushed to her toes to kiss his lips and he was too weak to resist. So much for not being like the boys she was used to. “You’re leaving with Dameron,” he stated. 

“Yes,” she confirmed his suspicions, turning away. 

He grabbed her by the wrist to pull her back. He kissed her because he couldn’t make her laugh or charm her like Dameron. She opened for him instantly, sweetly and generously, looping her arms around his neck. Even as he berated himself, he clasped her to him tightly, delighting in the way she moved against him. 

“Holy hell,” she said when they broke apart, her expression so star struck that he almost smiled. 

“I’ll see you at the Falcon soon?” She asked, her hand playing with the hair at his nape. 

He nodded stupidly at her and was blinded by her answering smile. 

***

Finally, Rey thought, she had him to herself. He was a sly one, slipping away with tremendous skill at the sight of her. But she had him now, wet and frowning at her with a look that sent shivers down her spine. He was trying to demonstrate a new stroke, but she was too busy admiring the play of his flexing muscles to pay much attention. 

He glowered at her and she couldn’t help it, she smiled at it. He was being his most withdrawn, distant and cold and it might have fooled her once. It was hard to see him the same way after the dress, after watching him struggle with the Falcon almost on a daily basis, after he gently helped her learn how to swim, after having kissed him. 

“Are you going to leer at me or are you going to learn this stroke?” 

“Leer at you,” she answered promptly. “If you’re giving me the choice.” 

He stared at her down at her, his expression devoid of any emotion and then slowly, beautifully, his lips stretched, pulling at his cheeks. He looked down, his head shaking and a sound she had never heard from him erupted from his throat. His hair fell down his forehead and he swiped it back with an large hand. 

“Force, you’re gorgeous.” 

His laughter died immediately, his eyes turning hard and serious. He looked as if he had been knocked off his axis, like he had the previous dinner. After the kiss they had shared, Rey had no doubts that he was attracted to her, and yet he remained aloof toward her when all she wanted to do was grab onto his hair and kiss him until he smiled again. 

Rey reached a hand to his face, feeling the thick scar tissue that crossed his face under the pads of her fingers. She followed the trail down his cheek and over his jaw, to his shoulder and arm. “I would have killed you if I could have,” she told him. “Even after you turned on Snoke, I wanted nothing else but to you see dead. I still wanted to kill you.” 

“I would have deserved it,” he said. 

“But Leia didn’t.” 

He turned his head, avoiding her eyes, knowing that the only reason he was still alive and walking free was due to his mother’s ferocious tenacity. Ren had given them so much on the First Order after his rehabilitation, had been essential on their many victories. None of it would have mattered if not for Leia. But it was much more than that which had her heart constricting. 

“Dinner wouldn’t have been the same without you. Who would I argue with?” 

A small smile tipped his lips. 

It was his fault, really, for looking so damn appetizing that had her hands looping around his neck. His chest was wet and chilly from the water, and it felt good against her skin. She played with the hair at his nape again, tip toeing so she could kiss his mouth. 

A large hand was placed on the small of her back, bringing her closer to him. She licked against his lips and he opened up with a moan that had her little toes tingling. Rey kissed him hungrily, eagerly rubbing her tongue against him, his hair bunched in the tight fists of her hands. 

“Don’t tell me that didn’t mean anything, either,” she told him breathily. 

“Rey,” he started, looking tortured. Maybe it was the way she was pushing against the erection that was poking her belly. 

“Yes?” She asked, planting kisses on the column of his neck, her hands still clutched in his hair to bring him down to a more accessible level. 

She nipped the lobe of his ear and he seemed to lose the power of speech, his hand flexing on her back. She sucked on the spot just below, loving his sharp intake of air. Another hand latched onto her hip, and his grasp become firmer on her body. 

“Rey-”

“I’m listening, do go on,” she said against his skin. “Tell me you don’t like me.” 

“Damn it, Rey,” he gritted out. He pushed her away forcefully. “This isn’t a game to me. I’m not like the pilots you have a penchant for, ready to grope you at the slightest sign from you. It’s not that fucking simple.” He turned around giving her his broad glistening back. “You have no idea how close to losing control I come everyday. How I struggle with… everything!” he barked in a low hateful voice. “I’m still the villain, Rey. I’ve just gotten better at hiding it.” 

Rey reached out a hand to lay on his back but he shook it off.

“I would have killed him, your pilot. Merely for having his hands on you. I would have watched the light fade from his eyes and enjoyed it.”

Her response was cut off by the hollars and laughter that was coming from the woods. Ren swan off deeper into the lake as her friends bounded up to her.   
  
  


***

He left her with Dameron and the former trooper. Judging by her loud squeals Rey didn’t mind at all. Ren went to her blanket, he took her packed lunch out of her satchel, going for the fruit she always packed. He ate it just so that he would have something to do while he watched Rey play with Finn and waited for his mother to arrive. 

A reluctant smile appeared on his face as Rey showed off for Finn. Pride surged at Rey’s form, sleek and lithe on the water, her movements smooth and skillful.. They looked good together, he thought, young and cheerful.

“You have it bad, Solo,” Dameron said, walking toward him. 

“Don’t call me that,” Ren sneered. 

“I ain’t calling you Kylo Ren,” he said as he spread a towel down, his tone his usual insolent drawl. 

Dameron laid down on his stomach, his gaze toward the two figures laughing in the water. “Anyway,  _ Ben _ ,” he said, “you and Rey have gotten really close.” 

“Is this the part where you threaten me?” Ren said through pursed lips. No one except Luke and his mother called him Ben. No one dared. 

The pilot scoffed. “Rey doesn’t need protecting. She’ll cut off your balls if necessary. Rey can be vicious when riled.” 

Didn’t he know it. 

“She told us you’ve been… reluctant,” Poe says. “But she’s hyped about the dress and the kiss and many other things that I’ve blocked out.” 

Ren closed his eyes, rubbed at them with the palms of his hands. He hadn’t known that Rey gave regular updates to Dameron and Finn. His skin crawled from knowing that they knew about his private business. It was an awkward and unfamiliar feeling. 

“You’re an idiot for refusing what she’s so sweetly offering.” 

It took him a moment for his words to register. “Are you actually encouraging me?” 

Poe shrugged. “I want Rey to be happy. As strange as I find it, she’s been… bouncier since she started hanging out with you. And you’re family, asshole.” 

“What?”

“You know how much I care about your mom. She took me under her wing, you know, and I know you’ve always resented it-”

“Dameron, shut up.” 

“All I’m saying is that we’re stuck with each other, whether I like it or not. This shit isn’t complicated. She likes you.  Stop worrying about it. Stop thinking that you’ll make the same mistakes your parents did,” Dameron said. 

He gave the pilot a sidelong glance. “She’d be better off with Finn.” 

“Aw, undoubtedly, but Finn’s with me.” 

That was unexpected, he blinked at the smirking pilot. 

“Kriff, Ben, are you that out of it?” The pilot laughed. “Yeah, Finn and Rey were together but that was awhile ago. It was actually quite entertaining to see them circle around each other awkwardly. Now he’s with me.” 

Ren knew that he didn’t excel at interpersonal relationships, but what Dameron was explaining seemed more complicated that normal. How had they all managed to remain friends? If Rey was his and then she wasn’t, he wouldn’t be able to be civil to her new lover, let alone call them family. 

Finn and Rey were making their way back to shore, still laughing and joking with each other. Her longs legs were toned, the muscles firming with every step she took. He admired her discreetly, as he always did, wondering how she could think she was anything but beautiful. He knew she thought she wasn’t made for girly things, being too tough and strong for them, even though she wanted them. 

“You ate all the berries,” she accused when she reached him.

When he didn’t respond except with an arrogant shrug, she wrung her wet hair above him, squeezing the water so that it splashed against him. 

Dameron snickered beside him, but he didn’t even mind, not with how Rey was laughing down at him. 

***

 

“Dinner isn’t for hours yet,” Ren said after opening the door. He stretched an arm out to the doorpost, looking down at her lazily. “I’m going. Don’t worry.” 

Rey smiled benignly, ducked under his arm and entered his room. “That’s not what I’m here for.” 

Turning, she saw his jaw clenching in exasperation. Force, but he was stubborn. She sat on his perfectly made bed while he removed himself to the furthest corner of the room. “I’m curious, how exactly did you know what size I am?” She asked, gesturing to the yellow dress she was wearing. 

He rubbed a hand tiredly over his face and she smirked at his reaction. “I’m serious. I would have loved to have heard that conversation. Was there hand gestures? An awkward silence about you buying a woman’s dress? It fits perfectly. So, how did you do it?” 

He stared impassively at her while he took a seat on a cushioned sofa. Rey looked around, his unit was clean and tidy and it didn’t look as sterile as hers or the ones she’d visited. Had Leia done this for him? Designed it for her son? There was traces of Leia, in the framed picture on the wall and the soft undertones of furniture. Instant envy assaulted her at such an obvious sign of love. 

“I guessed,” he said. 

“You guessed the size of my hips and breasts?” Rey crossed her legs, and to her satisfaction had his eyes following the movement. 

“If I had known what a nuisance you’d become I would never have bought the damn thing,” he told her. 

The dress was so feminine, so impractical that she would never have bought it for herself. And she would never have known how the silk danced around her legs, how it flounced as she walked making her feel girly and happy. She glanced down at it, at the neckline that showed just a wink of her cleavage, felt the waistline snug and then flare for her hips, at the skirt that surrounded her legs like a halo. 

“I didn’t think I could wear it. It was so perfect… so not me. But I tried it on, feeling really foolish about it. There was no one around but I felt embarrassed, like a fool, I couldn’t bear to look in the mirror. It took a while to just garner the courage to look. When I did... “ she sighed at the memory. “I’ve never had anything so pretty. So dainty. I didn’t cry but I came damn close to it.” 

He looked at her his expression vague. Then he looked away and she saw the rise of his chest in a deep sigh. 

“Tell me again you wouldn’t have bought it for me,” she asked him softly.  

He laughed humorlessly. “You don’t play fair,” he told her. 

“Who ever said I played fair?” She asked, getting off the bed and walking toward him. He looked warily at her, as if she were about to strike. Ren was holding on to his unaffected expression. The one that tacitly challenged her to replace it with something more real. Kriff, but she loved watching for his tell, that slight flaring of the nostrils, that little snarl that pushed his lips up ever so slightly. 

He tensed but didn’t react when she planted herself on his lap with another innocent smile. “You  _ were _ a villain. Someone I was sure was only interested in saving their own skin. I imagined you at the edge of breaking apart and showing your true colors.” 

“You’ve already established that, Rey. Multiple times.”    


“I don’t know when it happened. Must have been somewhere in between seeing baby Ben, watching your big clumsy hands dismantle a complicated piece of machinery or the way you held me when you were teaching me to swim, but I stopped seeing you as a villain,” she told him, burying her fingers in his hair. The locks were thick and silky. 

“One thing is certain however, I have not been afraid of Kylo Ren for a long time. Not since I discovered my own power was equal or even greater than yours.” 

Ah, there it was, the barely perceptible snarl. He was a statue beneath her but his eyes, Force, his eyes were swirling with emotion. Rey leaned forward until her lips were only a breath away from his. He turned his head and she whispered against his ear, “Are you the one afraid now, Kylo Ren?”

He eyes snapped back to hers. “You’re severely testing my patience.” 

“What are you going to do to me once it runs out?” She asked, a smile playing on her lips. She ran her hand down to his shoulders, to the hard planes of his chest, the flat of his stomach. “Tell me, I really want to know.”

“Rey,” he warned when her hand went to his belt and her lips latched right under his ear.

She shook his hand away when he tried to stop her and continued to unbuckle his belt. “I’ll stop if you really want me to,” she told him.  

He was trying to look down his considerable nose at her but the impressive bulge beneath her cancelled the effect. He looked torn, as if he didn’t know whether to push her off or help her with the belt. He was sitting ramrod straight, and in spite of his warning at the lake, she knew now that it was he was who was afraid. 

His face was set, his eyes dark and his breathing uneven. She hadn’t come for this, had only wanted to steal some more kisses from him, let him know that she liked him as he was, villainous tendencies included. Like always, his serious demeanor prompted a challenge within in her. She wanted him to be as affected by her as she was by him. 

She touched his full lips with the tips of her fingers. She wanted to kiss him, wanted to lower that collar, suck and bite on his neck, wanted to make him groan and grunt and to get him to forget himself completely. She traced a mole on his cheek, counted three before his hand grasped hers to lay a chaste kiss on the inside of her wrist. 

“Don’t stop,” he whispered. 

Her hand dropped from his face and went back to his buckle. “No, no,” he said, bringing it back to his face. 

This was much more than she had intended, beyond merely being attracted to him. How had this happened so quickly? She couldn’t stop from tracing his lips again, the bridge of his nose, and when he closed his eyes, she placed soft kisses on his lids. Finally, she pecked his lips in a warm caress for fear he’d break, for fear she’d break. 

“I”m not going to fuck you so that you can fulfill whatever dark fantasy you have of me,” he said in a low voice. “I know what you want. You want me to tear off your clothes and act the animal, flirt a little with danger before going back to the safety of your pilots. I’m not going to do that. Not with you.” 

Rey stilled her hands and her mouth. He wasn’t far off the mark. She had wanted that, had thought he’d be more aggressive, more commanding, less restrained. But this unforeseen turn of events didn’t dampen her lust for him. In fact, well, she looked down at him, still with his eyes closed and his head falling on the backrest, his throat prominent and bobbing in a nervous rhythm. 

“I wouldn’t object to that,” she told him, leaning down to lick at his throat. “But it’s not all I want.” 

He opened his eyes, slits of beautiful olive green gazing at her with lust and a little anger, and maybe just a little hope too. 

“I want to watch you rebuild an engine, your hands stained with grease. I want to swim with you. I want to watch you smile, and make you laugh, and if I’m really being honest I want to make you angry too, want to make you lose that impenetrable wall you’ve surrounded yourself with and if,” she said lowering her hand once again, palming his erection, “I get to have this too, then that would be fucking phenomenal.” 

He grunted and shifted his hips inviting her hand. Force, he felt big and hot. Rey bit her lip, imagining just imagining what it would feel like to have him inside of her. She squeezed her thighs together, feeling wet and needy and swollen.

There was a challenge in his eyes, as if he didn’t  think she’d go much further. Obviously the man was used to women who liked him taking the initiative, being the aggressor as he’d said.  Ren should have learned by now she never shied away from what she wanted.  Rey met his eyes steadily as she undid the placket of his trousers, loving the way his eyes widened and then darkened.  Did he really think he was going to scare her off? 

Scared was the last thing on her mind when she finally had him in her hand, hot and smooth and thick. She looked down, sucking in in a deep breath at the sight of her hand clasped around his length. He was gorgeous all over. His cock was dusky, leaking precum, thick with just the perfect amount of curve. 

She stroked him slowly, watching his face, seeing his lips part and his breath escape between his lips, still trying to hold on to his control. Shimminying off his lap and onto the floor, she continued stroking him, holding onto his gaze. Beautiful, she thought, having his half lidded eyes staring down at her, his hands on the sides of the seat. 

With steady and sure hands she lowered his trousers further, just enough to have his cock jutting out deliciously. Without breaking eye contact she leaned forward to trace a vein with her tongue and then suckled on the head. He gave a loud grunt and she stopped to smile up at him. “Good boy,” she said, smirking at him. 

“You’re looking awfully pleased with yourself,” he ground out. “Normally, I wouldn’t stand for it, but considering the circumstances…” he lifted his hips to her mouth but she backed away.

“Jerk,” she told him, “Now you have to ask nicely.” 

Her hand was still wrapped around his cock, her fingers hardly touching.  She moved her hand just to feel the smooth hot skin move beneath her fingers, to feel how hard he was. She licked the head to encourage him. The saliva from her mouth made the strokes smoother, easier and he moaned his pleasure when her hand moved faster. His hips rose again, and a large hand landed on the nape of her neck.  “Ask nicely, now,” she repeated wickedly. 

“Please,” he moaned low. 

“Please what?” She said, rewarding him by running her tongue from root to head. She kissed the underside of his cock, letting her saliva run down to his balls. 

“Please, Rey, suck my cock,” he finally said in low defeated whine, one hand fisted behind her head the other clutching at the armrest. 

His eyes were on her when she finally took him in her mouth, taking him as deep as she could, suckling him hard. Her hand went between her legs, beneath the soaked panties, his heavy breathing and barely contained moans fueling her, making her throb and ache. She suckled the head, tasting precum, tasting his musk, slurping loudly for his benefit, wanting to make it good, wanting him to forget all the others that had ever done this for him. When he finally broke and a long grunt fleeted out of his lips, she felt it in her pussy. 

She’d never enjoyed giving head quite as much as this time. There was something about watching him break apart, watching his inhibitions drop and feeling his hands on her head, his cock thrusting into her mouth that turned her on more than she could ever remember being. She gripped the base of his cock, stroking him harder, loving the way he felt in her mouth, in her hand. 

She sucked harder, pulling him deeper into her mouth, her fingers working her clit  and when he came she swallowed every drop, as she trembled from her own orgasm, fingers buried deep and the taste of him drowning her senses. 

When she looked up at him again, his face had none of his usual composure. He was a mess, so completely disheveled. His eyes were wide, his mouth slack, and his breathing was coming in loud pants. His still hard cock was glistening with her saliva. Rey rose to her feet and, taking the hand that been inside her panties, traced one finger along his wide bottom lip, leaving it shiny from her juices. Satisfied, she fixed her skirt and kissed his jaw. “See you at dinner.” 

“Oh, I almost forgot,” she said, turning at the door, just in time to see his tongue licking at his bottom lip. “I’m taking the Falcon to Ruma tomorrow. “ 

***

She’d changed into different clothes, and he was so grateful for it he almost said it aloud. Otherwise he’d never be able to get rid of the image of her lips wrapped around his cock while her hand sneaked under her pretty yellow dress. Ren wasn’t sure how he would have handled himself in front of his mother, in front of everyone if she’d still have that dress on. 

She looked wicked and he had enough self preservation to be alarmed. 

There were so many facets of Rey, darkness to be sure, but also such a simple and almost innocence that threw him off, and now this woman who... But he really mustn't think of that with his mother and Luke around. 

She was a nuisance every way he looked at her. 

“You’re late,” his mother admonished. 

Rey winked at him from her place on the floor, sitting so that his mother would plait her hair. 

“Sorry,” he mumbled. 

“Hmm,” his mother said, narrowing her eyes in suspicion. 

Ren took a seat, bending his long legs awkwardly on the sofa already occupied by a grinning Poe. Chewie had become a regular attendee and had taken the largest chair available which previously had been tacitly agreed was his. 

“So, Ben, what’s going on with you?” Poe asked, slapping his back in greeting. 

He didn’t know what was worse, before when people treated him with cold civility, or now trying to include him. 

“We’re taking the Falcon to be worked on tomorrow,” answered Rey, sounding too chirpy. “We found a great deal. Mainly because of your son,” she told Leia, looking up at her with a goofy smile. 

“Is that so?” 

“Yes, Ruma, well, she’s sort of eccentric, and as soon as she saw Ren, she yelled out ‘discount!’ and the more Ren glowered the more discount we got!” 

This was worse, this was definitely worse he thought as a chorus of laughter filled the room. 

Rey kept her distance. He was glad of it because at that point he wasn’t sure if he would throttle her or take her back to his rooms to fuck her if she so much as touched him. She would offer smiles at him though, soft secret smiles that he hoped no one could see the effect they had on him. 

“You know, while I appreciate you staying with me, it’s alright if you want to walk her home,” his mother said when dinner was over and Rey and the others had walked out the door.

“What?”

His mother, epitome of sophistication and grace, rolled her eyes. “She likes you, Ben.” 

“So she says.” Ren took his customary seat, now covered in Chewbacca’s scent and a few scattered hairs. It was comforting. “We’ve been spending a lot of time together.” 

Leia took a seat close to him, laying a hand on his knee. “She’s always liked to needle you. I thought it was rivalry at first, and later just playfulness coupled with the challenge of seeing you react. Sometimes I thought she craved your attention because you’re the only other force sensitive close to her age… but it might have been this all along.” 

“Doubtful.” 

“You like her too,” she stated. 

“When I don’t want to kill her,” he told her, scoffing loudly, wishing it wasn’t so obvious.  

“Your father and I were very much like you and Rey.” 

“Look how well that turned out,” he retorted before he caught himself. “Mom, I’m-” 

“You’re right. Your father and I fought a lot. And you witnessed all of it. And I’m sorry that I couldn’t shield you better.” 

He grabbed his mother’s hand in apology, and she grasped his tightly. Her hand felt small and papery, fragile. He wasn’t much for hugging or touching, not even his mom, but this time he brought his other hand to clasp hers. 

“I was young and high on our victory over the Empire. Han was too and we deluded ourselves into thinking we would work out. We loved each other, Ben, and you were born from that. There were good times too, I wish you’d remember those as well. It wasn’t all bad. If I could do it over again, I’d pick Han again, handle things differently, but I’d still choose him as your father.” 

He let go of her hand, not really knowing how to feel about that. 

“She makes you smile, Ben. I’ve seen it. I was happy enough to have you back, to have you with me, healed and in the light, but watching you learn to smile again, to take some pleasure from life… that’s something I didn’t think could ever happen. And it has, and it’s because of her.” 

“Mom-” 

“You do fight a lot, but it doesn’t mean it’s going to turn ugly. It doesn’t mean you’re going to make my mistakes. Couples fight, Ben, then it works out or it doesn’t. She’s not asking you to marry her and to bear your children now is she?” His mother asked, somewhat miffed. It was the first time she’d ever as much as scolded him since he’d been back. 

“No,” he supplied when she raised an eyebrow. 

“What if it doesn’t work out and I… I can’t let her go.”  

From the beginning he’d been impressed with Rey, with her power. He’d wanted to have her, her loyalty, her passion. He’d been crazed with the need for her he remembered, an obsession Snoke had called her.  He’d been twisted and lost, but he felt that same pull now. 

Stronger, he thought, because now he had been the recipient of her toothy grin and peels of laughter. Now he knew that her brashness was a facade with multiple cracks to hide her insecurities. He knew that she had no compulsions about ogling him. That no matter how many she took to her bed, she was as lonely as he was, unable to fully fit in.  He knew her now, and wanted her more for it. 

Leia sighed deeply, and ran her hand over his forehead to push his hair back. “You’re not him anymore, Ben.” 

“I am.” 

***

She watched Ren go into the command building and she quickly hid behind the ship she was working on. He seemed unaffected as always, the man that had panted and groaned gone. Usually, men would come running for more, but no, not him. 

At first she’d thought he’d come around, that they’ve reached an understanding. She couldn’t have been any clearer. When more days passed, the doubts had assaulted her. Had she pushed too hard? Did he prefer a different type of woman? A more demure kind? Fuck him, if that was the case, fuck him. 

But then she remembered how he’d strained for her touch, how he had preened when she’d kissed his face. And when he had arrived for dinner his eyes had gone soft just for her. 

Pretty much she was beyond confused. 

“Hiding from him?” 

It was Chewie who asked, his voice amused. They were both working on a cargo ship, trying to resuscitate it once again. 

“No… I’m just trying to gather my bearings,” she told him, walking inside to work on cockpit.

“He was always peculiar, even for a human.” 

The whimsical way he said it piqued her interest. It had almost sounded like a whine. “How was he? As a boy, when you knew him.” 

The wookie shook his head, “Sweet. He was so tender, especially with his mother. But he was quiet and withdrawn, always in his own head. It was only later that Han and I found out about Snoke…” His voice went dark but he stopped before he said more about the subject. “Ben was sensitive, prone to tears and Han didn’t help matters. “ 

“Han made him cry a lot?” Rey asked, not even pretending to be working, her attention on the suddenly gloomy looking wookie. 

“He didn’t mean to. Han was just abrasive, and Ben was so very small, so tiny and unsure. I used to pick him up in one hand,” Chewie whooped in disbelief. “Weighed less than nothing.” 

“Then Leia sent him away despite Han’s protestations. Sent him away because she didn’t think she was enough for the Pup. She should have understood. I came upon her one time, when the pup was just born. Ben was wailing his little lungs out, and Leia was crying too, she looked at me and all she said was ‘I need my mom. ‘“ He sighed deeply, sadly. “Newly born, the pup fit in my hand and would stare at me with huge round eyes.”   


Rey smiled at the story, at the love that was obvious even in the rough barks and growls of the wookiee language. “You loved him.” 

“He used to come to me when Han and Leia scolded him, used to bury his face in my fur and clutch me tight, knowing there was nothing he could do that I wouldn’t defend him for it. Eating his treats before dinner? He’s a growing boy Leia. Opened the cages for the animals we were transporting because he felt bad for them? Han, the boy is a rebel, flaunts authority just like you.” 

A laugh escaped her, picturing it all. 

“I thought that boy was gone. But he’s still in there, isn’t he?”  The wookie asked, his growling gone low, almost timid and afraid. 

It was an impossible question to answer. Asking that was like asking if the girl she was supposed to have been if her parents hadn’t left her in Jakku was still somewhere inside her. 

“He would speak wookiee, you know?” Chewie told her, dissipating the gloom that had enveloped them. “Well, tried.” 

“He… what?!” Rey asked, laughing again, imagining a knobby kneed child with a mop of dark hair whooping and growling, laughed harder when she pictured him doing it now. She was so going to razzle him about it. 

***

Rey was brushing her wet hair back, just having showered and already in her ratty pajamas when her door buzzed. Alarmed, because visits this late were never good she rushed to see who it was. She tripped over her clothes and several parts she was working on before reaching the door. 

Once it slid open her heart tripled its rhythm. Ren stood on the other side, perfectly coiffed and clothes pressed to perfection. 

“Has something happened?”

“No,” he answered, looking behind her and into her messy room. 

To be fair this wasn’t really her room, just a temporary place before the Falcon was returned, not that her room in the Falcon was any better. Heat rose to her cheeks, specially after recalling how clean his was. 

Rey looked down at her clothes, faded and loose from so many wears. Did he always have to look so damn good, she thought morosely, pushing her heavy wet hair back. “Then what is it?” she asked, looking down at her feet, at the peeling nail polish on her toenails that had been painted for her eyes and pleasure only. 

“Only a few days ago, you practically sucked my brains out while grinning your wicked grin at me and now you’re feeling shy?” 

She raised her head, pouted. “It’s different. I knew you wouldn’t find any offense then. You probably already scrunched your nose at me,” she told him. 

He smirked at her. “Since when do you care what I think?” 

“I’ve never cared what you think,” she retorted, knowing it was a lie.  “What is it? I have an early shift tomorrow.” 

“I want to show you something. Get dressed. Something comfortable.” He told her and then walked in, much like she had done to him in his rooms. 

“You just expect me to do as you say?” 

“If you want to see what I want to show you.” 

“Depends what it is,” she said suspiciously. 

“Trust me,” he told her, sitting down on her messy bed. “Hurry.” 

“Why don’t you just tell me and I’ll decided if I want to see it or not.” 

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise.” 

Her hesitation evaporated at that. Ren hadn’t approached her at all, not since that night in his room, when she, well, when she’d pushed him a little harder than he was probably comfortable with. She’d treated him like he’d had accused, like a fantasy and not a man. Like people oftentimes treated her because she was strong and powerful. Like an ideal and not real person. She had wanted him, still wanted him, but she’d thought only of herself, to use and posses not only his body but his rare smiles and tender gestures. To break him in a way, to peel away the pretense that he didn’t want her just as much. “I like surprises,” she said softly. 

She changed into soft leggings and a grey vest, so similar to the outfit she had met him in that she started to tremble. Nothing like meeting a man with frenetic energy in the middle of the woods, the hum of his power drowning out everything else, feeling compelled and scared at the same time. 

“Ready,” she said coming out of the ‘fresher to find him tinkering with a little droid she had been trying to fix. 

He looked up at her and she was hit with the force of his energy, much like that first time. It hadn’t changed all that much, it was still wild, almost animalistic, and barely contained in his stoic bearing. It was just as compelling, heady and powerful and she was drawn to the power as much as she was to the man. 

They walked side by side, Ren leading the way. “How do I feel?’ she asked him. “With the force I mean. Luke feels cold and focused. And you, you feel the opposite, wild and savage, going every which way. What about me?”

They took a path that would lead them to the hangar. “Jagged and hard,” he responded. “Sharp.” 

Rey was quiet while the fleet came into view. 

“It doesn’t mean you’re like that. “ He said. “That’s just your force signature. “

But she was like that, wasn’t she? Deep down she knew that it was an apt descriptor. She had so many rough edges. Trust and friendship didn’t come easily to her. But once it did, she’d fight for it tooth and nail. 

She opened her mouth but before she could say anything he quickly shushed her. She frowned at him, but followed to the very edge of the woods, where a few ships were stationed. 

Ren crouched down low and she followed. “Are we going to steal a ship?” She asked, her voice filled with disbelief. 

“Borrow,” he told her with a glint in his eye that she’d never seen, a glint that reminded her of

Han. 

She blinked at him. “Where are we going?” 

“It’s a surprise,” he said, as if that would be enough to shut her up. 

“Ren, we can’t just steal a ship and go off planet in an unsanctioned flight!” she whispered fiercely. 

“Borrow a ship. We’ll return it by tomorrow. They just changed shifts, they’ll never know it was gone.” 

“But-” 

“Do you want your surprise or not?” 

Rey looked at the ship and back at Ren. “I should have known any surprise from you would entail breaking the law and other unsavory acts.” 

“I don’t hear a no.” 

Unsavory acts did have a different connotation when associated with the man in front of her. 

“Get your mind out of the gutter,” 

“Spoilsport.” She retorted. “I suppose I’m the one that’s going to be flying the damn thing.”

“Any time now, Rey. There’s only a small window-”

“Convince me.” 

“For Kriff’s sake, why do you have to make everything so hard? I’m trying-” He stopped, took a deep breath. “It’s going to be hot,” he said. “And wet.” 

Rey smiled widely. “Why didn’t you say so from the beginning?” She took his hand and pulled him toward the ship. 

***

“Come on! Just a greeting or confess your undying love for me,’” Rey pleaded, laughing at his expression. “Or anything you want in Wookie.” 

“No.” 

“Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeee!” 

“Why did I voluntarily put myself in this position?” he asked, dangerously close to that little snarl. 

They broke through hyperspace, a planet coming into view. Rey checked the coordinates he’d given her for where to land. So far it wasn’t much of a surprise. It looked like an ordinary planet, mostly land with large bodies of water.

She landed smoothly, though the place was covered with thick jungle dappled with warm sunlight. . Interest heightened, she followed him out. The heat assaulted her as soon as she stepped off the ship. It was a different type of heat than Jakku. Whereas in the desert planet the heat had been dry and abrasive, here it was humid and thick. 

Every plant was dewy and warm, the ground giving beneath her feet. Then thunder sounded and it started to pour. 

She looked Ren from the corner of her eye while she got soaked through by the heavy rain. “Hot and wet,” she said wryly. 

He couldn't hide the smirk that formed, or how it transformed into a small smile. “This way,” he told her, his thick hair plastering to his skull and still somehow appealing. 

They mushed through the wet terrain for several minutes, the rain stopping halfway through their trek, and when the ground gave way to sand, Rey’s breath caught. 

It was blue, not a blue she had seen before. It was bright and airy and shone like a jewel. The beach was long, stretches and stretches of white sand, framed by lush jungle on one side and by the clearest blue ocean she had ever seen. 

Ach-to had been beautiful but desolate, too frigid to even dip her toes in. The lake at the base was beautiful too, but also cold and withdrawn. This place though, this place was not only beautiful but alive and inviting. 

She almost ran to the water’s edge, discarding her shoes and dropping the haphazardly in her excitement. The sand was warm beneath her feet from the sun, and she braced herself for the chill of the coming waves but to her everlasting delight the water was as pleasant as the sand and the air.

“It’s warm!” She exclaimed to Ren, who was a little further back, both of her shoes in his hand. 

Ren looked, well he looked as he always did. Composed and distant, strangely out of place in his severe clothing. Rey pulled on his hand. “Aren’t you coming in with me?” 

He shook his head. 

“Please,” she said, pulling at him again, the smile on her face seeming to have some sort of effect on him because he carefully placed her shoes down and started undressing. He stripped in careful movements, folded his clothes just so as she waited for him, having discarded her clothes in less the thirty seconds. 

He was about to pick her own clothes, fold them into a neat pile, no doubt, but she’d been standing in her beige color undergarments with her skin tingling in the sun and she couldn't wait any longer so she pulled him in with a growl of impatience. 

“Oh, oh,” she said, as the water enveloped her. This was heaven. She closed her eyes, savoring the feeling. She sank down, swam deeper as the gentle waves lapped at her. She dove down, and opened her eyes out of curiosity. There were fish, bright colorful ones, pink and blue and purple. 

“Ren!” she said once her air had run out. “You have to see the fish ….” 

He was treading water, his pale shoulders already reddened by the sun. He’d never looked so beautiful to her. “Thank you,” she said quietly, not really having the words to express how she felt. Not really knowing exactly what she felt. 

“Don’t make a big deal about this,” he told her. “I knew the weather had turned at the base and the lake was too cold for you to get in.“ 

It was a big deal, but she wasn’t going to make him uncomfortable about it, like she had with the dress. “You’re going to burn horribly,” she said, pushing his shoulders lower in the water to cool them. 

“So will you.” 

“I’m used to it,” she told him, though she hadn’t felt he blistering sun of Jakku for more than six years. She let go of his shoulders even though she didn’t want to. What she really wanted was to hold him and rub her face against his jaw. 

“I would really appreciate it if you could stop looking at me like that. It was nothing.” 

“Not to me, Ren. It’s not nothing to me,” she said, and finally gave in to the urge to wrap her arms around him. He was warm and slick from the water. She kissed his neck and hugged him tight. He didn’t hug her back, and she let go, feeling much too needy. 

“Let’s see these fish of yours,” he said, and dove under.

He left the water shortly after. She enjoyed herself for about five minutes after he’d gone. She’d really liked to know when it had changed, when she’d gone from resenting his presence to yearning for it? At the shore he looked alone and again, out of place. He always seemed out of place. 

Rolling her eyes at her whimsy, she went to him. The sun was blazing on her skin, but it felt good as she walked over to Ren. He was standing close to the jungle, under the shade of several trees. 

“How did you find this place,” she asked, sitting down next to him, watching the waves. It was too perfect to seem real. 

“Crash landed here. Wasn’t here for more than a few hours, but the place stuck with me.” 

“I’m glad it did,” she said. “When? When you were in the First Order?”

“Yes,” he answered. 

“In your whole getup?”

He laughed shortly. “Yeah. In the getup. It was hell.”

She leaned forward to kiss his smiling lips. It seemed like the natural thing to do, the gesture had no other purpose other than to share his smile, to taste it. It was enough to be with him like this, the sun on her skin and the warm breeze drying her hair. Contentment settled in her soul and she leaned back in satisfaction, crossing her legs and staring at the ocean. 

“I’ve never been anywhere,” she told him. “Well, I’ve been places, many, but always with a lightsaber and a blaster, doesn’t leave much room for sightseeing,” she said, her face to the sky. “After the war, I’m going to take the Fal- a ship, pick a spot on a map and just go there.” She turned toward him. “What about you? What are you going to do when it’s over?”

“Hadn’t given it much thought,” he answered. “It’s still a ways off, Hux won’t give up so easily, and there’s still people that aren’t going to simply relinquish their power.”

“Ren, we’re winning. they’re on the run. In a few months it’ll be over.” 

“Anything can happen in a few months.” 

“Yes, it can. Which is why you need to start thinking about the future.” 

He gave her one of his looks, the ones that weren’t easily decoded. “Maybe I should,” he said, staring at her in a way that had her face reddening.    
  


***

Rey was still beyond confused. Not to say she wasn’t enjoying herself or that it hadn’t been nice. Beyond nice. But still, it was hard to know exactly where she stood with Ren. He could go from smiling softly to quietly withdrawing to being superbly thoughtful all the meanwhile she was struggling to catch up. She didn’t know how to be like that with him, didn’t know what he wanted or expected from her. 

He’d walked her home after the dinners with his mom, though she insisted she’d been walking herself places for her entire life, and then he kissed her hand softly, sweetly at her door. He opened doors for her, and pulled her chair out and looked at her in a way that made her blush, and she never ever blushed, but just thinking of his eyes on her made her face heat. 

They had gone to the beach again, well, she’d dragged him there while he moaned and bitched about it, but he’d gone in the water with her again. Their matching tans raised some eyebrows at dinner, but neither she nor Ren said peep about their special place. It was theirs, and at least for her part, didn’t want to share it with anyone just yet. She just wished he would do… something.

Finn and Poe advised her to be patient. It wasn’t a matter of patience, it had more to do with just wanting to know how he felt about  _ her _ .  He was not exactly distant but he had never made his feelings obvious for her. They talked less now that the Falcon was gone and the swimming lessons were over. She missed him. And she wondered if he wanted her as much as she wanted him. 

“Chewie, sorry I’m late,” she called out when she entered the freighter she and the wookie were scheduled to fix that day. 

“He went with my mother on a diplomatic mission,” a baritone voice responded from the control room. “I was handed this lovely piece of crap to fix. Which I have no idea how to do, so get over here and show me how to do this.” 

He had a manual in his hands, and he was gazing at the control panel and back at the manual, his face scowling in frustration when she entered. It brought a smile on her face. She’d seen him like this so many times, perfectly clean, holo in hand, trying to figure out what to do before actually touching anything. 

And of course he had to look just fucking perfect while he did it. Slowly, Poe had said, treat him like you would a flighty wild animal. Don’t scare him off. No sudden movements. Habituation is key. 

“What?” He asked, sensing her stare. 

“I”m trying really hard not to jump you right now,” she told him. The hell with habituation. “But between the late night trips and the walking me home and the fucking dress I’m finding it to be really really hard. And how the hell is you hair so perfect all fucking always?” She asked him exasperated. 

He snorted. 

The man actually snorted. 

And why was that so appealing? 

“I need to know. If you just want to be friends, I can be your friend and I’ll stop. With the flirting and the-” she could, she wasn’t a deviant. Then she thought of his cock, swollen and hot in her hand, in her mouth and wondered if she could. “I’ll stop.”

He put the manual down, stared at her for a long while. “There wasn’t much Han- my Dad taught me,” he started. “He was rough, but sometimes, usually after a fight with my mother, he would be very attentive toward her. Showering her with gifts and holding her hand, things like that, it didn’t last very long but it made my mom happy while it was happening. It was obvious to me, how it was supposed to be. You settle for so little, Rey, you’re happy with the bare minimum and I just wanted… to give you more.” 

Her throat was tight. 

“I like you. I like you enough to want to be more than just someone you slept with.”

“You are,” Rey answered thickly.

“You sell yourself short-”

“Stop, just stop,” she said, rubbing her face in frustration. Why did he have to be so damn serious and complicated all the time? She wished that he was just a little less… but she couldn’t wish he was anyone else other than himself. She just wanted him to smile more, to laugh and to pretty please put his big hands on her. “You’re killing me. Really. Panties on the floor. I’m about to head over there and do unspeakable things to you and you only have yourself to blame.”

He laughed and damn if that didn’t make her want him more. “I love hearing you laugh,” she told him. There was a special sort of greediness that came with his laughter, knowing it was she that made it happen. 

His laughter died and his smile faded. “I’m never going to be able to let you go.” It sounded like a confession, like something dirty he was admitting to. 

It hit her hard. How much he cared, how carefully he was treading. And maybe it was more for his benefit than hers. There was fear in his voice, a trepidation that she had known he felt, but hadn’t truly understood. It scared him to want her that much but all she felt was warmth unfurling everywhere. “Promise?” she asked, a smirk playing on her lips. 

His eyes went steely. “Rey-”

“Was that not what you were expecting?” She asked walking toward him, watching him swallow nervously. “Guess what? I’m not letting you go either. I’m keeping you forever, no matter what.”

She grabbed onto his shirt and pulled him down roughly to her lips. She kissed him hungrily, with the sort of greediness that came from wanting but not having. She moaned when he slipped his tongue inside her mouth, when his hands pulled her possessively to him. “I want you so much,” she said between kisses. “I’ve wanted your hands on me for sooo long. At night, desperate, unable to sleep, with my fingers between my legs, wishing they were yours, or better yet your mouth or your cock.”

He kissed her harder, his big hands biting into her hips, grinding her against him. “Not fair,” he rasped.  

“I told you, I don’t play fair.”

She pried off one his hands, brought it between their bodies to slide it beneath the waistband of her leggings. “Feel how wet you make me,” she told him guiding his hand through her folds. 

He grunted and then the doors locked with nothing more than a slight movement of his head. Fuck, that had been hot, she thought, but then his fingers were right there, playing with her while he licked and sucked the column of her throat. 

“Yes,” she moaned in relief.

In brusque short tugs he had her pants down her legs. She stepped out of them, toeing off her shoes, as he watched her bare herself for him, sucking on the fingers than had been inside of her. 

“Is this what you wanted?” He asked,  backing her up against the wall, two fingers entering her deeper, harder. She rose on her tip toes and ground down. 

“More,” she told him, breathing harshly, not only because she had two of his thick fingers inside of her but by the possessiveness in his eyes.  

“Ask nicely,” he told her, never ceasing the thrust of his fingers and the smirk on his face becoming more evil as she grew more desperate. “Ask me nicely.”

Rey bit her lip. “I’m going to make you pay for this,” she panted. 

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Strangely enough, I look forward to it,” he said, offering the least amount of relief by thrumming his thumb against her clit. 

She canted her hips down but he refused to go faster or add any more pressure. His hand reached under her shirt to fondle her breasts. “Take it off,” he ordered and she complied instantly despite his tone, maybe because of it. 

He pinched her nipple hard and then swooped down to soothe the sting with his mouth. “Wanted to touch your tits from the first time I saw you wet, your shirt sticking to your chest, nipples protruding from the cold and the shape of them perfectly outlined.” 

“Ren, oh, please, please…” He played with her clit again, but just enough to make her want more.

“Please what?”

“Make me cum,”

“Ask nicely. Your rules, remember?” the voice was strained and his fingers were sliding in and out of her with a new roughness. He wasn’t as in control as he wanted her to believe. She was slick, coating his fingers with her juices, and she watched that little snarl form on his face at the wet sounds his thrusting fingers made.  She was so close, so close, but the part of her brain that was still functioning wasn’t about to let him have the upper hand. 

“Fuck me. I need your cock, need you inside of me,” she moaned, moving against his hand. 

His fingers stopped abruptly and he lifted his face from her breasts. “You’re incorrigible,” he told her frowning as his fingers slid out of her. 

Rey would have smiled at getting her way had she not been so damn needy. He worked the opening of his trousers with frantic hands. His beautiful cock sprung free and he gave it several hard pulls, coating it with her wetness as Rey watched, leaning heavily against the wall, her fingers working between her thighs. 

With a firm look from him, her hand halted and she slipped her fingers out of her pussy. He braced a hand behind her against the wall, hitched her up so her legs wrapped around him. And wasn't that just lovely? How easily he lifted her, how his massive hand covered most of her bum.

She gripped his cock, guided it to her entrance, sighing when the wide head breached inside of her, stretching her deliciously. They took their time, wanting to feel every inch, every time her body made way for his.

He studied her face once he was buried to the root, breathing through his mouth, scanning her features, his eyes dark and fierce. Rey brought a hand to his face, her cunt throbbing around his girth. He closed his eyes and leaned into her caress. 

“You didn’t promise,” she rasped. 

His eyes snapped open, looked at her in the haze of lust, not understanding. 

“That you wouldn’t let me go,” she moaned. 

He slid out of her, her inner muscles tight around him, pulling taut as he withdrew. “You’re mine now, Rey,” he said as he slammed back in, balls deep inside of her. “Only mine. Never going to give you up. I’ll kill anyone who gets in our way. I fucking promise you.”

His voice was dark and the words sounded like threats, like a claim as his thick cock pumped into her.  She gasped, loving the way he thrust hard and deep, thinking of forever, of always. With a sob she wrapped her arms around his neck, burying her face under his jaw as he continued fucking her. 

“... dripping all over my cock… so fucking wet.” she could hear him stuttering above her. “were you this wet when you were sucking my cock…”

Rey swiveled her hips down as much as she could, crying out as he pushed her fully back to the wall, his hand now gripping her hip, his fingers digging into her flesh. She bit into his shoulder trying to stifle the moans and whines that sounded too loud even to her own ears as his cock thrust hard and fast. 

“No,” he said, drawing away from her, leaning her back so she was supported by the cold metallic wall. “I want to hear you, want to hear what I do to you. What would your friends say, if they saw you like this? On my cock, screaming for more, hmmn?” He nipped at her earlobe. 

It was the richness of his voice, the dark tint to it that threw her over the edge, that had her pussy fluttering around him. She felt herself gushing, felt her cum leaking, felt the exact moment he tensed and jerked, catching her leg up higher on his hip to empty himself even deeper inside of her. 

She held onto him and he twitched and shuddered as her walls milked every last drop from him. Her hands were threaded through his hair and she reluctantly let go as slid out of her. 

Her legs, she hadn't realized, were stiff and cramping as she tried to unlock from around his torso. Ren helped her, gently lowering her onto her feet, his penis leaving a warm wet trail on her abdomen. 

“Are you okay?”

“No,” she replied, voice raw. “In the most amazing way possible.”

A soft smile played on his lips as he reached for her hand. He planted a kiss on her palm, then turned her hand around to kiss every knuckle. 

“Stop,” she told him, snatching her hand back. It was a little embarrassing for her the way he treated her sometimes. She didn’t know how to react when he did such things. 

“You like it,” he said to her. 

She rose on the tips of her toes to kiss his lips. “Maybe,” she told him. But there was no maybe about it.  It didn’t usually go like this, men flirted with her, and if she liked it, they’d have a quick tumble. There had never been any true intimacy or affection. Which was why he made her feel so funny, so out of her depth. She  _ had _ settled for so little.  But now she had Ren, she thought, and he was, he was  _ more _ than she could have ever imagined. 

“I’m going to need you to stop looking at me with those ewok eyes every time I kiss your hand, Rey. “ 

“I don’t do ewok eyes,” she said indignantly. 

Ren scoffed, “You do.” 

Naked and with his cum slipping out of her, she knew she didn’t make an intimidating figure, but she still frowned at him. 

“Not much of an improvement,” he said, unimpressed, which had Rey reluctantly smiling and then laughing out right. 

She pulled him over to plant a giggly kiss on his lips. She felt his answering smile when they kissed, and she knew it belong to her and her alone. 

***

The Falcon arrived without fanfare. Ruma simply dropped it off, collected her fee, winked at Ren and took off, leaving everyone gawking at the renovated Millennium Falcon. It was easily recognizable in structure but its metal now gleamed in the sunlight, and it bore the resistance symbol on its sides. It was beautiful. 

Inside, well, it would no longer be used as a smuggler ship, so certain changes had been made. Which was why it a little surreal to step inside expecting the same old worn surfaces and rooms and finding out that if not technically gutted, the interior was hardly recognizable. 

Nervously, she looked around for Ren. Would he like it? They had both agreed on the changes, but it was much different planning it than actually stepping inside something that felt almost holy. There was hardly any trace of the old ship, save for the holo table and other essential structural designs. 

She found Ren with Leia in the cockpit. Ren had his hands clasped behind his back looking proud and Leia had an expression on her face that was hard to define, a mixture of heartbreak, love and satisfaction. Chewbacca was in the co-pilot’s seat, running his hairy arms on the controls almost reverently. 

Rey felt like an intruder. She slipped away quietly, not wanting to make a fuss, wanting them to enjoy the Falcon. It was an odd feeling, finally admitting to herself that the Falcon had never been truly hers.  She had latched onto the ship as eagerly and blindly as she had to Luke and Leia. Had pretended it had been hers like she had pretended she found intimacy and belonging with the men that vied for her attention. 

She went to the lake. It had already started to freeze over, but the view and the solitude it offered still drew her. She sat at the edge, her cheeks red from the chill, and wondered what Ren and Leia would do with the Falcon. She’d grown to love the ship, with its quirks and stubborn nature. It had been home for so long. 

“Is something wrong?” 

She smiled at the voice, deep and worried, just shy of demanding. “No,” she said to Ren when he took a seat next to her. She burrowed into his warmth, breathing him in. 

“Mom wants to break up a bottle of wine,” he told her, bringing an arm around her. “Wants everyone there. You’ll have to do without the Falcon for another night. Finn and Poe are,” he scrunched his nose, “decorating it as we speak.” 

Rey laughed softly. “It’s yours,” she stated. “It’s always been yours. Yours, Leia’s and Chewie’s. I’m just a squatter.” 

“It’s ours,” he retorted. 

She shook her head. “No. He would have wanted it to go to you. You were right, he didn’t know me. Doubtful that he would have left something that meant so much to him to a nameless girl from a garbage planet. It’s yours.” 

He clenched his jaw tightly. “It belongs to us.” 

“No,” she said, tapping his nose with a finger. “It’s yours.’ 

“Well, I don’t want it without you in it!” 

Her eyebrows went to her hairline. 

“Damn it!” He exclaimed, closing his eyes and pinching the bridge of his nose. “I didn’t say that.” 

But Rey was already smirking at him deviously. “You looove me, you want to maaarry me,” she exaggerating her voice into a little jingle. Force, but she loved razzing him, and he knew she loved to razzle him which was why he was groaning dramatically. 

“You are obnoxious,” he said, getting up. 

“You still looooove me,” she continued in her sing song voice. 

“You’re acting like a child,” he told her. 

“Oh, don’t say that. I’m only young enough to make you feel dirty, but not ugly dirty, just naughty dirty.” 

He reached down for her but she scooted away. “How about we put that mouth of yours to better use,” he said, stalking after her. 

“If you can catch me,” she told him, taking off into a run into the woods.

She giggled when she heard his heavy footfalls after her, giving way to the chase. Kriff, she thought, as his energy swelled, making his presence heavy and thrilling. Rey would let him catch her eventually, and put  _ his _ mouth to better use.

Later, in his bed, coming down from her orgasm, with Ren nuzzling against her inner thigh, she tunneled her fingers through his thick hair. 

“We could take the Falcon,” she said, still panting. 

“Where?” He asked, taking one last nip from her thigh and kissing it before sliding up next to her. 

“Anywhere,” she said. “Let’s just take off after the war it it’s okay with Leia and Chewie. I want you to go with me, Ren. If you want to stay we’ll stay but I want to-” 

He kissed her and she could taste herself in his gentle kiss, could feel desire pooling again at the swipe of his tongue.  He braced himself above her, and she opened her legs for him, cradling his body in hers.  She sighed into the kiss, followed his lips when they traveled to her jaw, and then to nibble just below her ear. “You love me,” he whispered, and she could feel the smile in his voice. 

“Do not,” she said, tracing his collar bone with her tongue. 

“Do too,” he replied. “You want to marry me,” he continued, that smarmy smile growing on his face. 

“Yeah,  I do.” She told him, smirking. 

Well that shut him up well and good. 

**** 

Dinners were certainly a lot more uneventful though no less quiet, Leia thought as Chewbacca roared in victory at beating Poe at Dejarik. Finn was speaking to Luke in an excited tone and at the sight of Ben, a smile fleeted through her lips. Her son had his arm draped over Rey’s seat in that typical male way as she explained something mechanical having to do with the Falcon.

There was so much joy to be had. The war would be won soon, no more lives would be lost, they all had a future now. Her son, her Ben, had a future. She gazed at him again, now being prodded to eat a bite of Rey’s desert. A future, a good one for her son, that’s all she had ever wanted. For her child and his children. She could picture it, boys and girls with her son’s hair, with Rey’s expressive eyes and-

“Mother!” 

Whoops. The Force and her had never been good friends. She’d gotten carried away, and her son had picked up on her little whimsy. She’d just wanted it so much. Leia shrugged at her son apologetically, hoping Rey hadn’t picked up on it as well, not wanting to embarrass the girl. Her son, well, she’d missed out on her motherly right to embarrass her son for many years. She had to make up for lost time. Was she still broadcasting to Ben? According to his horrified face, yes, indeed, she was. 

Rey poked him on the ribs. “What’s going on? I want to know.” 

“Four?” He asked in disbelief, ignoring Rey’s more insistent prodding. He shook his head at her and stilled Rey’s hand. “You don’t want to know. It’s better that you do not know what goes on my mom’s head.” 

“But-” then Rey whispered something in his ear, and Leia went back to fantasizing about Rey and Ben’s future children. 

“Would you stop that?” 

And whoops again. “Sorry darling,” she told him, although his mortified face was a most beautiful thing to be able to witness, so sorry not sorry, she thought as she brought her cup of tea to her lips to hide her smirk. 

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and leaving such wonderful comments. It took longer to post this chapter because I reworked somethings (which are not beta'd, because I'm an impatient little shit). Hope you guys like! 
> 
> I was watching Miss Congeniality before I wrote this fic, and I was completely charmed by Sandra Bullock's little chant to Benjamin Bratt. You love meee, you want to marry meee... you think I'm gorgeous... So yeah, blatantly stole that... 
> 
> Thank you to velaris for beta-ing!

**Author's Note:**

> A huge thank you to Velaris for dealing with my horrible rough drafts, her wonderful suggestions, and her utter sweetness. 
> 
> Part II coming soon.  
> *Spoilers*  
> Smutty goodness.


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